W.T.F. Thursday: Covering Your Cranky Co-workers in Tattoos and Foil

1) Christmas is less than two months away. Have you already started shopping for Christmas gifts? You have to be shitting me. Wait. That maybe why Jill sent me this pic. I couldn’t understand it. She must be already shopping. Oh, it’s not Christmas Eve yet, is it? Guys tend to wait until the last minute. Ever since I discovered Amazon, I actually enjoy shopping. OK, that’s a lie, it just doesn’t suck as much.

2) Would you be offended if someone carved a pumpkin for Halloween in such a way so that it would resemble your face? I’d take it as a compliment. Then I’d call the psych ward.

Even Derek Jeter’s GF couldn’t save this mess.

3) How do you feel about people who get “fandom” tattoos (i.e. tattoos of musicians, TV shows, movies, etc)? To each their own. To me, tattoos are disfiguring your body. But I do not judge people who have them. I know my feelings are generational. You are always changing your “fandoms”. What do you remove it and get the new Charlie’s Angels tat? Oh, and mercifully that remake was put out our misery, canceled after three shows. The original was camp. The movies had the passion and energy of Drew Barrymore. This version was as stupid as the original, but camp has changed. The show hadn’t.

4) It seems like Quick Response codes (a.k.a. QR codes), like the one to the right, are everywhere on products and ads these days. Do you ever actually scan them using your phone? My GF told me about them and I downloaded the app. I find it rather interesting to get a sales pitch randomly.

5) Connecticut lawmaker Rep. Tim Larson has proposed a national law saying that all Halloween trick-or-treating should be done on the last Saturday of October, regardless of what day Halloween falls on. What do you think of his idea? Should trick-or-treating be done on a specific day of the week each year or on the true holiday? Larson is from my state. Gees, with all that’s going on, THIS is what he’s thinking about? Work on jobs, Tim.

6) The head pastor of my church recently went out of town and forgot to lock his office, and when he returned, everything in his office had been covered in aluminum foil by his coworkers as a prank (that’s really his office to the right). Have you ever been the butt of a prank, or pulled a prank on someone else? OK, I’ve got a weird story. I got bullied as a kid by a guy who ended up graduating with me at a small New England prep school. I watched guys empty a bottle of 7UP and fill it with piss. I could have stopped it. But I did not. The fucking guy drank half the bottle before someone told him. He was sick for a week. I think payback’s a bitch.

7) Speaking of coworkers, today (Oct. 27) is “Cranky Co-workers Day.” How would you deal with an extremely cranky co-worker who was causing you stress? By just being me. We had this ass (who has long since retired) who rode with us to company meetings in Boston. He kept tuning down my radio. I said,”Touch it again and I’ll break your arm.” He said, “I was trying to hear the back seat.” I said, “Don’t ever touch anything of mine again ever. I can’t measure my indifference to what you can fucking hear or not hear.” He never did it again.

8) The movie “Anonymous,” which is coming out soon in U.S. movie theaters, poses the idea that William Shakespeare did not write his own plays and poetry. If you became a professional writer, would you use your own name or create a fake pen name? My DJ identity started as Bud Weiser at the nations first Tape Radio Station. I never used that name in real radio. The “Bud” thing stuck so much that my family started calling me Bud since all my friends did. I used my real name for my first few stations. Then in Springfield they changed it to Gary Morgan. In Hartford they wanted no part of “Morgan”. They wanted me to be Buddy Cox. I said, “I hate ‘Buddy’ and frankly won’t even discuss “Cox”. “Bud” was eliminated as well. I asked if I could keep “Gary”. The PD said yes, get a new last name. My daughter Heather (my oldest) was born the following day. Instead of discussing her name the nurses were helping me with mine. My ex hated that situation. It was her big day, but the nurses became “star struck”. I chose Gary Hunter since “Hunter Drive” was the main street my home was off of. I was The Hunter for the rest of my on air and nightclub career.

W.T.F. Thursday: Exotic Animals in Black Wedding Dresses Create a Stink

1) With today (Oct. 20) being “Shampoo Day,” I’m curious… Do you actually “rinse and repeat” or just rinse without repeating? We are off and crawling at the start of today’s post. Now let’s face it. Jennifer (the meme’s author) is writing 24 questions a week. I honestly thought she’d have quit after two weeks. Instead, she’s only missed a couple of editions. The only memes that I know have never missed an edition or “taken a break” are Saturday 9 and Sunday Stealing. Oh, right. Back to the question: I don’t repeat till the next day.

2) The 2011 World Series kicked off Wednesday with the St. Louis Cardinals beating the Texas Rangers. If you went a baseball game today, what would you buy from the concession stands? A drink. The first time that my son and I went to the new Yankee Stadium, I had a Ketel One and my son a Tanqueray.

3) October is National Squirrel Awareness Month. Do you find squirrels to be cute animals, annoying pests, or something in between? Why is their a squirrel awareness month? I mean don’t we have more important things that we should be aware of? I’ll give an example. Our Sisters of the Tiny Breasts. They take donations to allow poor women to get implants, too. Fuck the squirrels.

4) On Tuesday, tigers, lions and bears were let loose in Zanesville, Ohio, by their owner before he committed suicide, leading to a hunt in which 49 of the animals, including 18 endangered Bengal tigers, were killed. How would you react if you saw “Caution exotic animals. Stay in your vehicle” being displayed on a road sign? Seriously? I’d fucking get out for a stroll. What could go wrong?

5) Researchers from University College London has published the results of a study on Facebook’s effect on the brain. They say the size of some parts of the brain correlate to how many friends people have on Facebook. How do you feel about the effect of today’s social media on your brain? I thought you had to make this up. But I did read the reports. Since they don’t know what this means, how could I? I think facebook and blogs are today’s crossword puzzles.

6) The authors of that study also said that the people studied with the biggest Facebook friends list tended to have the most “real world” friends. How does the amount of your “real world” friends compare to the friends you have solely over the Internet? It is easier to be friends online. You never have to get together. You can ignore all of them by simply not posting (if a blogger) or a status update (on twitter or facebook).

7) For her Fall 2012 clothing line, Vera Wang has created a bunch of black wedding dresses. What would you think if you went to a wedding and the bride surprised everyone by wearing a fully black dress? I’d applaud it. My sister recently became engaged. She was going to save for a year to have the most extravagant wedding ever. It’s her first. Her fiance has been married before. I suggested she was being way over the top for one day. I suggested a large party at her home (She’s had a wedding there before.) She called me the next day to thank me. She’s gonna save the money for a trip to Europe. A bet the wedding will rock.

8) My fiance and I had to remove two dead mice from behind my couch this week. Talk about a disgusting stench. What has been the worst odor you remember smelling recently? What no funeral for Mickey and Minnie?

W.T.F. Thursday: The Superheroes are Getting Footloose in Dirty Jeans

1) How many days can you wear a pair of jeans before it moves from acceptable to gross? With or without underwear? Thanks for allowing me to find and use this photo, though.

2) If your best friend told you that he or she had been abducted by aliens last night, would you believe his or her story? Probably not. I believe that there’s life on other planets. I used to believe in UFOs and alien abduction until recently. Now with cameras on cell phones and video surveillance nothing gets past us. So my belief system flip flopped. I still wanna meet T’Pol, however.

3) If you were in an accident, what superhero would you like to be rescued by? Wonder Woman. Duh.

4) If the shoes really do make the man (or woman), what do the shoes you’re wearing right now (or the ones you wore last if you’re barefoot) say about you? I have no idea. But whoever came up with that ridiculous premise owned a shoe company.

5) If you get ten minutes to interview any celebrity of your choice, who would you like it to be? Paul McCartney. I know you thought I’d say Jill, but really as gorgeous as she is, she was never in The Beatles.

6) I was appalled last week when my boyfriend and best friend both said they had never seen the original “Footloose” movie. Is there a movie you’ve never seen that people give you a hard time for not having seen? Appalled? Really? It’s only a fucking movie and it wasn’t Casablanca or Gone With the Wind. Or even Animal House. I’m appalled by the question.

7) With Halloween approaching… Would you spend (or have you already spent) a night in a supposedly haunted house? No. I like to be comfortable and I’m really not a ghost whisperer.

8) If you had your own clothing line, what would it be called? 

W.T.F. Thursday: Trapping a Bunch of Snakes on Hidden Camera

1) How did your education prepared you for your current career? Do you wish you had taken a different path academically? Just by having the degree. It is rare for a high profile sales executive not to have a degree. My degree was in communications. It certainly prepared me for a twenty year radio career. This collage on the left shows some of the radio stations that I worked at.

2) If you could pick the two major candidates for the next presidential race (politicians, celebrities, people you personally know, etc.), who would we see running? Jill Hennessy and George Clooney. Eye candy for everyone!

3) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Since I’ve done TV as well as radio, I’m an in front of the camera guy. I generally flip the bird when photographed at apple picking events when caught on camera.

4) What is one simple indulgence you could never live without? You may not know this, but I occasionally pour a glass of Smirnoff. Shaken, not stirred.

5) If you were trapped in a pit full of snakes, and you could call one person to save you, who would that be? Jeff Corwin. I was going to say Steve Irwin, but then I remember the sting ray.

6) Joy Engel at HowAboutWe.com recently wrote about the eight worst things ever said to her on a date. She includes “I really like Nickelback” and “Star Wars is overrated” on the list. What’s the worst thing someone’s ever said to you on a date? This is yet another episode of my habit of dating incredibly weird women. And yes, it might be a case of “Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame, but I know it’s our own damn fault.” (©Jimmy Buffett) Although I believe most adult dating is SO radically different than say, during your teens and twenties.

There is a singles dance every Sunday in the Hartford area. At one time it was part of my regular routine. At the end of a busy night of dancing and enjoying myself, I saw the woman of my dreams. I gathered up the courage to walk over to meet her. (Okay, those who know me realize that this is a lie. I am very comfortable meeting people. Particularly when alcohol is involved.) Our eyes met, she smiled, “It’s the last dance, would you care to join me?” She thought for a second and responded, “Yes. My name is Dawn”. I walked to her car, got her phone number, and made my exit, stage left.

I called Dawn on Tuesday. Phone numbers are like fruit. If you don’t use them quickly, they tend to rot. “Remember me, I met you two weeks ago” is a death call. There are easier ways to get shot down or commit suicide. Hara-kiri comes to mind. Dawn answered the phone and it became obvious that she had a girlfriend over. To every question I asked she requested me to “Hold on.” Then Dawn would cover the phone before responding. “We need to meet somewhere,” Dawn insisted. I am never one to argue this point. It is a smart thing for a woman to do. Dawn’s friend insisted on this point, but neglected to make sure Dawn understood “Why” to meet a date and not have a guy pick you up. Dawn asked if I’d meet her at, now get this one, at a gas station.

So there I was, sitting at a Mobil station in Plainville to meet Dawn. Dawn was right on time, which was 5:30. Her comes the part about Dawn not “getting it.” Dawn said “Hi” and then said, “We are so close to my apartment, let’s drop my car off.” Okay, then. Dawn asks me to follow her and we are dealing with rush hour traffic. She jumps into traffic and drives off, not stopping to see if I followed. Yes, all the red flags are up now, but remember this is a beautiful, sexy woman. I waited until she returned. “You didn’t follow me.” “Dawn,” I responded, “My car does not fly. How did you expect me to follow you?” Dawn said, “There was too much traffic, I had no choice. There is an Italian restaurant next to the gas station. Would you like to go there?” I answered in the affirmative.We are seated at what is a pizza joint not an Italian restaurant., Billy Joel did not write, “Bottle of red, bottle of white” about this hell hole. Dawn orders a wine. I assume it is a beer/wine place so I ordered a Budweiser. Now begins the adventure. Here’s the dialog:

Dawn: Bud, Dawn needs to know something.” (Oh my God, I thought, she is talking in the third person.) Dawn knows that she is a great catch for Bud. She is young, pretty and bright.Now Dawn does understand that Bud has four children. Dawn would like to get very serious with Bud. Would Bud have a child with Dawn?
Bud: Could we have dinner first?
Dawn: Dawn thinks Bud is a very funny man. But seriously, would Bud have a child with Dawn?
Bud: (I am very experienced with this type of question. I have been single for all but three years since 1990.) Dawn, yes I have four kids. I love kids. Why wouldn’t I have another?
Dawn: Dawn thinks this is REALLY encouraging. Dawn thinks that she and Bud will be together a long time.
Bud: (Now if she means that I’ll probably eat my grinder before leaving, than “yes.” It will be a LONG time) Waitress!
Waitress: Yes, Sir.
Bud: Do you have any real alcohol here?
Waitress: Why yes, sir. What can I get you?
Bud: Smirnoff Vodka, please.
Waitress: With what?
Bud: A glass and some ice. And quickly, very quickly.
Dawn: Dawn is SO happy this is going so well!!

I had another Smirnoff and paid the check. When we got outside Dawn asked, “Would Bud like to see Dawn’s apartment?” I paused, smiled and said, “Dawn, as you said, this went so well, why spoil it?” “Okay,” Dawn smiled, “When Bud picks up Dawn next time, he can see the apartment.”I am sure you are shocked. There turned out not to be a “next time”. Every word here is exactly as it happened.

7) Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? I think marriage should be illegal.

8) Where would you like to place a hidden camera? You’ve asked this before. I said, “In your bedroom. I wanna watch you and your ‘future husband’ not have oral sex.”

W.T.F. Thursday: Dipping your Company Gift in the Fair’s Chocolate Fountain

1) I recently received a gift from my employer for making it through five years of employment. It was a stupid pin and keychain. What would you want your employer to give you for a five-year gift? Jill Hennessy. Oh and as employees go, you’re an ungrateful gnat.

2) The fall season of television is starting. What show are you excited to have return or what new show are you excited to make its first premiere? House. After he drove a car into his boss/ex’s living room, I can’t wait to see how he gets out of that, short of a fucking dream sequence.

3) One of my favorite restaurants recently added a chocolate fountain. What would be your favorite thing to dip into the chocolate? Jill Hennessy.

4) I’ve bought more things on eBay in the last couple months than ever before. What is the last thing you bought over the internet? An angel necklace for my angel of a granddaughter.

5) If you come across a homeless person on a street, do you give him or her money? Not from my car, but if I’m on foot, I generally do. If they look like Jill Hennessy, always.

6) If you knew you were about to die and had the opportunity to write your own obituary, what is something you’d want to make sure is included? He wrote a great fucking blog.

7) State fair season is in full swing across the U.S. What is your favorite thing to do at a fair? I try to just stay up with my girlfriend. She actually said at a fair last weekend, “Look! Moo-cows!” and went running. I’ve got chronic back pain. I don’t generally run.

8) By some weird twist of fate, you wake up as another person one morning and must carry on with his or her life. What do you miss most about the person you were before? The groupies.

W.T.F. Thursday: Cleaning Up Stains and Contemplating Life

1) A man has gained national attention after he climbed onto a Tulsa, Oklahoma, communications and stayed up there for more than six days as authorities tried to coax him down. (Click here if you’re interested in reading the story.) If you wanted to go somewhere to contemplate the meaning of life, where would you go? A brothel in Vegas.

2) If you (or your spouse/significant other) lost your job today, how long could you survive living off your savings? 17 years, 3 days, 2 hours and 13 seconds. Give or take the 17 years part.

3) What do you wish someone could invent a pill for? A functional government.

4) You spill something on your white shirt at lunch. What do you do about it — do you find another shirt change into, find a jacket to cover up with, use a Shout wipe or a Tide/Clorox pen to clean it, or ignore the obvious spot and keep wearing the shirt? Who has a shirt to “change into” or appropriate jacket at work? I just found out about Tide sticks from my son Ben. I now have one in my car for the inevitable mess I’ll get into.

5) How do you feel about TV shows and movies that random musical numbers in them? They make me wanna hurl. Other than that, I think they’re terrific!

6) Do you have a “lucky” article of clothing or some other good luck charm? No. I’m what they call “rational”.

7) Today (August 18) is Bad Poetry Day. If your significant other wrote you a poem that was absolutely horrible, would you be honest about how bad it is or just go ahead and shower him/her with praise for the work put into writing it? I’d like to think I’d not do either.

8) If you had to describe your personality only by saying the name of a color, what color would you be? Gongerling.

9) Do you read critics’ reviews of movies before you go watch them? No. If I’m interested in the film, I’d rather know nothing. When The Matrix came out, I knew it was sci-fi, but not another thing. It blew me away like no other film before or since. It’s a shame that the sequels were so bad.

10) You’re invited to a wedding and find out the couple has chosen to do a potluck reception instead of having it catered. How would you feel about having to bring food to the wedding instead of being feed for free? I’d think that I’d be happy just to be asked. I’d have to buy something for it. Not many folks have survived my cooking.

W.T.F. Thursday: Playing in the Sand and Tattooing Your Body

1) My coworker who sits at the next desk often texts me during work to communicate with me without anyone else knowing what she’s saying. Do you ever text someone who is in the same room as you? Nope. Look Jennifer, you gotta have a sexier opener. How about: What would you love to know about the opposite sex? I’d respond: How to talk women into doing threesomes sooner. You wouldn’t believe this I know, but some women really have to be talked into it. It’s a lot of fucking work if you ask me. If you any suggestions ladies, please let me know.

My virtual dog Happy, as a pup.

2) How do you feel about people naming their pets with people names (like Maddox, Luke, and Sarah) instead of more pet-type names (like Paws, Spot, Boots, etc.)? Look Jennifer, you gotta ask sexier second questions, too. Back to yours, okay? I don’t give a rats ass what people name their pets. But, I’m guessing you have a strong opinion to this crisis.

3) Do you have a “junk” drawer in your home? What types of items are stuffed in there? (Feel free to share a photo of the contents if you want.) Look, Jen… oh never mind. Yes I have one. I keep naked pictures of celebrities that I’ve slept with. And batteries.

4) If you could come up with a slogan for the welcome sign that welcomes visitors to your city, what would the slogan be? I did make the “Welcome to Connecticut” sign.

5) Would you ever buy a neon pink car? What, are you using a meme generator? No. Next!

6) What’s the most exciting thing about your life right now? I am on vacation! I’m spending the next couple of days with my son, daughter-in-law and new granddaughter Zoey.

7) Today (Aug. 11) is “National Play in the Sand Day.” If you were at a beach right now building a sandcastle, what would it look like?

8) You’re a kid again at a party with a pinata. What type of candy do you hope pops out of the pinata after you hit it? Trader Joe’s English Toffey…with nuts.

9) If a company offered to pay you $100,000 to get an advertisement for its product tattooed on your body, would you do it? Only if I truly believed in the product.

10) If someone wanted to win your heart, what would he/she need to do? She’d get out her knee pads. We will take tomorrow off. But fear not, we will return for this weekend’s Sat-9 and Stealing. Love somebody…