The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. As memes go, this one is a bit of a left turn. But since Linda has not sued us to stop crashing her meme, we are here again. I’m sure she’s ecstatic. Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: Really, Really Random

1. How do you feel about “Gladiator” sandals, also called “Roman” or “Jesus” sandals? A fashion yea or nay? Personally I could give a rat’s ass about shoes or sandals. But I decided such a thought provoking question deserved my full effort. So I called Jill Hennessy. Everyone knows we have a past, but we are still on good terms. She told me that she wore them to the Sex in the City premiere. If Jill likes them, I’m down with it dawg.

2. What is your favorite pizza? You’ve got to be shitting me. Do you even read the other memes out there in the blogosphere? Well, I have. I counted them as a favor to Linda. This is the 16th question on pizza preferences in the last 12 days. What this question lacks in originality it more than make up for in sheer redundancy.

3. There are plans in the works to sell roughly 1,000 items from Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas. This means you could buy Picard’s chair for your family room. If not a Star Trek item, what prop, background, set, etc. from what TV or movie would you buy if you could? [Ex: Hurley’s “I Love my Shih tzu” shirt from LOST, the plantation home “Tara” from Gone With the Wind, or Tracy’s tambourine from the Partridge Family.] I’d love some furniture from Kim Catrall’s apartment as Samantha in Sex in the City. Now I would get it with her on it, right?

4. Name a local food or restaurant that your area is famous for. My area is only famous for having the WTIT Tape Radio World Headquarters. That said, the area is best known for a local chain of of first class restaurants named Max’s. They are all different. One’s Italian, another French, another sea food and so forth. My favorite happens to be the closest, Max’s Tavern. In fact, my lady and I dined there a couple of weeks ago. Fantastic. Oh, and the restaurant was good, too.

5. What is your current favorite snack? Pistachio nuts. My dad introduced them to me as a kid. I still love them.

6. Hypothetical: You are required to be a reality show contestant. Which show would you choose based on your probability of success? (You cannot choose “none.”)

A. Dancing with the Stars
B. Biggest Loser
C. Survivor

I have never seen a person with more rules in a fucking meme than Linda has in this one. Of course, I ignore them all. “You CANNOT choose “none”.” I have not watched a minute of any of these shows. How do I answer? Oh right. Fuck your rules. None.

7. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being uninhabitable and 10 being cleanliness that meets the standards of OCD, how clean is your vehicle’s interior? OCD? Could this question be more tasteless? This is like asking “On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being anorexic and 10 being a sloppy pig, how much do you eat? And this woman is worried about her fucking meme rules? Holy Moly Jodi! Fucktardian alert! I’ll just post an equally tasteless cartoon.

8. It doesn’t feel like Spring until _________. That first outdoor threesome. Nothing says spring like great outdoor sex. Okay, point taken. I can be pretty tasteless, too. My bad.

9. Something that made you laugh really hard recently is ____. The diatribe that Linda gave giving her meme rules. And the chastising of her players who don’t follow them was truly fucktardian. I was going to parody her rant, but I thought she made such an ass of herself that anything I’d add would be piling on.

10. Tell me about a goal you’re working toward. I am going for the world’s record for answering stupid meme questions. Fortunately with the addition of Random Dozen we are WAY ahead of schedule.

11. Share a thought-provoking or inspiring quote this week. My daughter once quoted on her blog, “Don’t be concerned about all hell breaking loose. Worry about just apiece breaking loose because it will be much harder to detect.” I can’t improve on that.

12. Name one thing that you do as a parent that you absolutely know will make your kids happy. If you’re not a parent, feel free to substitute “friend” or nomenclature that works for you. I have four kids. They are all individuals. So this question is not only impossible but a bit naive unless your kids are five and under. What’s that? Her kid’s are are all under five? Wow. I didn’t see that coming.

The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. As memes go, this one is a bit of a left turn. But since Linda has not sued us to stop crashing her meme, we are here again. I’m sure she’s ecstatic. Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: First Random of April

1. Define a great relationship. Friendship is the first cornerstone of a relationship. Men and women are very different. I’ve stated in this space that if it weren’t for sex we wouldn’t even speak to each other. Now, do I really think this? No. Besides friendship common interests are key. Now I don’t mean that you are joined at the hip and have ALL interests in common. But if you enjoy some of the same music, movies and TV shows it does help out. You should care about the other person’s needs as much as your own. Oh and any guy will tell you that the woman has got be able to suck chrome off a trailer hitch and swallow. Heh, whose blog did you think you were reading?

2. Why is it called a “drive-through” if you have to stop? (Real question: What was the last food/drink you purchased at a drive-through?) I like the fake question better. Sincerely, Linda, that was very funny. I hate drive-through windows. I’m not much these days for fast food either. Best guess? A Whopper. No, I don’t know why I picked this picture, either.

3. As I type this, the Butler Bulldogs are getting ready to play in the NCAA championship game. Every Hoosier is hysterical about this except me. So in honor of the Bulldogs ... what is your favorite breed of dog? (I tried.) Gees. This is trying? You couldn’t even ask a fucking basketball question? Ok, now we’ve gone to the dogs. I’ll pick whatever breed of dog my virtual dog Happy is. I just downloaded that photo. I didn’t think to ask for his pedigree.

4. If you had to move to a state besides the one you currently live in, where would you move? Since I live and work in different states this is a bit of an easy question. I work in Massachusetts. I’d move there. Final answer.

5. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? My folks should have raised me without religion. Raising a kid Catholic? What were they thinking? With what’s going on in that church now, it is a horror show. A quest to find clergy who would swear to remain celibate? Holy moly Jodi, it’s almost a good idea. Now, the church is shocked that some weird deviants took those jobs? God, what were those people thinking? And just when it could not get any stupider, they have now got a pope who was in the Hitler Youth Army. Seriously. This pic is for real. Great fucking choice.

6. Who’s the funniest person you know? Fellow WTIT DJ Harvey Wallbanger. When he calls I know I’m going to have my sides hurt.

7. Did you get enough sleep last night? Yes. Can you tell I was alone? Thought so.

8. What’s the first thing you thought about this morning? Fuck. I’m still alone.

9. Grilled or Fried? –HONESTLY Why would anyone lie? Honestly. And more importantly, who gives a flying fuck. But, I am trying to be a bit better here. Grilled, if it’s steak. Fried, if it’s chicken.

10. Are you afraid of the dark? You have got to be kidding me.

11.When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I decided at 10 to be a DJ. There simply was no other choice. So I grew up and became Gary Hunter, for a ton of years. Believe it or not, some people still remember me from those days. Who knew?

12. If you had one word to describe yourself, what would you choose? Outrageous. Bet you’re grateful that I found your meme, Linda…

The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. As memes go, this one is a bit of a left turn. But since Linda has not sued us to stop crashing her meme, we are here again. I’m sure she’s ecstatic. Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: Kissing Chickens and Other Weirdness

1. How do you feel about the marshmallow Easter Peeps? They will one day rise up from their yellow nothingness and conquer the world as we know it.

2. Chickens are notoriously nervous creatures. When you are nervous, what is the best way to calm down? You must be my waitress. Smirnoff martini, shaken not stirred.

3. People say, “April showers bring May flowers.” Do you enjoy Spring rains? Who the hell enjoys the rain besides John Lennon?

4. When I was randomly flipping through TV channels this week, I saw a show in which tattoo parlor employees received tattoos of a co-worker’s face on their bodies. I can’t imagine having a portrait of a colleague tattooed on me. But if someone forced you to receive a portrait tattoo (face only) of anyone, who would it be? Why? John Lennon. Wow, twice. Imagine there’s no Heaven. It’s easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky. Imagine all the people living for today.

5. Would you rather have a tattoo (any kind) or a nose ring? I never thought I’d think of getting a tat. But if those are the only choices. Tattoo away.

6. Do you have any special plans for Easter? God, I hope not. We really don’t make a deal out Easter in my family. But occasionally, there are plans. Right now, I’m just booked on Easter Eve.

7. Cadbury Eggs or Reese Eggs? Go suck an egg. Either kind.

8. What was the last thing/person you took a picture of? We took our 2010 WTIT Staff picture a few weeks ago for the WTIT Photo Blog. I used a timer.

9. What book are you reading now, or what was the last one? I’m reading Threesomes and Other Major Religious Experiences by Grappa Mifriendtoo.

10. What do you think is the most difficult task when it comes to Spring cleaning? Paying my hot housekeeper to actually do it.

11. How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? Who the fuck cares? Oops. I’m trying to be better. So, no I own no flippin’ flip-flops. Thanks for asking.

12. Which color makes you happiest? Blue. As in “What a great blue job!” Spelling is not my strength. I’m close to spelling it right, right?

The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. As memes go, this one is a bit of a left turn. But since Linda has not sued us to stop crashing her meme, we are here again. I’m sure she’s ecstatic. Meme questions are in bold.

Linda Notes: SouthLakesMom at I Didn’t Know THAT! is hosting the Random Dozen this week.

The Random Dozen: The theme is Spring . . . and any other random questions that crept in.

1. What is your favorite sign of Spring? It’s not truly spring until you see a beautiful woman in a thong. It’s like seeing the first robin red breast, but a hell of a lot more interesting.

2. Did you remember to spring forward on March 14? If not, how did it impact your day? Yes I totally forgot. I mean other than the newspaper headlines, radio DJs not talking about anything but the time change and every newscast reminding you on TV. Yep I missed it. Are you sure that we’re already in Daylight Savings Time? Oh. Maybe that’s why the French twins were upset on Saturday night. I had no idea I was an hour late for dinner. This explains the nuance of that evening. Oh, and for the record, this was question four in this very meme just last week.

3. If soil, time, talent and climate were no problem, what vegetable would you plant in a garden this year? I needed help on this one, so I asked some good friends. Thom told me about the best plant food. Harriet had terrific fertilizer advice. Jodi suggested a pattern that kind of looks like Elvis. Kimber is playing Mafia Wars and is not returning my phone calls. Berleen said, “Get a life.” Melissa, Debbie, Sue and Mark & Lyn suggested something we all could make money on. So the logical thing to do is to move to San Diego and grow medicinal marijuana. Whoa, dude. What was I saying?

4. If soil, time, talent and climate were no problem, what fruit would you plant? This is what she must have met by “other random questions crept in”. It is not exactly not the same question twice, but it’s fucking close. I’ll go with bananas here.

5. What is your least favorite insect? I have spent the last 25 years rating insects so I’m glad you asked. Where was that list? Can I get back to you on this?

6. March 22 was World Water Day. To celebrate, here are some water questions. Do you drink bottled water? If so, what brand? Who the fuck celebrates “World Water Day”? Or more to the point, who has ever even heard of it? Bottled water? You cannot make this shit up. Oops, my bad. Apparently SouthLakesMom can.

7. Have you ever been somewhere that it was not safe to drink the local water? If so, how did you handle that? Since I must be brain dead because I forgot they bottled water, I would undoubtedly suffer from dehydration and thus I must have simply croaked. Say a prayer for me and take care of the twins. And no, you’re not in the will.

8. How many glasses of water do you drink per day? Are you shitting me? Who counts this crap?

9. March 24 is the birthday of Harry Houdini. Have you ever watched a professional magic show? Share. Another holiday I forgot to celebrate. This women should get out more. Sorry lady. I just report the news.

10. Have you ever been a participant in a professional magic show (up on stage!)? This makes Crazy Sam seem like the fucking genius of memes. Yes lady. I let the magician cut me in half. Who does this shit?

11. March 24 is also the birthday of Steve McQueen and Clyde Barrow. Do you like Westerns or gangster movies? If so, what is your favorite? These questions suck so badly I’ll just change this one. Who wrote the best song about Steve McQueen? That would be Sheryl Crow, final answer. If this author visits here she will probably want to kill me. Since I’ve already died of both dehydration and having been sliced in half, what more could she do?

12. (Really random) What U.S. state that you’ve never visited would you like to visit someday? Lady, this is really no less or more random than the rest of this masterpiece. Oh, and if Linda tells you that you did a great job, she’s just being polite. Don’t quit that day job.

The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. She could not possibly be pleased with our critical attitude. We hope she understands that we are just about the comedy. We enjoy her work. Since Linda has not sued us to stop crashing her meme, we are here again! Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: The Ides of March, St. Patrick’s Day and Spring Foward

1. On a scale of 1-10, how superstitious are you, honestly? This question, while just moronic on its own, has the added bonus of not telling us which number means the most. Well done.

2. Julius Caesar is quoted as saying, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” Which circumstance or experience of yours does this saying best describe? Sex. But in a different order. It’s suppose to be “I saw, I conquered, I came.”

3. If I peeked in on your day like a mischievous little leprechaun, at what time would I most likely find you blogging? You are asking me what time of the day it is? Holy fucking Moly Jodi!

4. Re springing forward for Daylight Saving Time, is there anything you’ve ever been really early or really late for? Re your questions. Did you give them any thought here at all?

5. What are you most looking forward to concerning Spring? Baseball. Yanks-Sox open the season. It does not get better than that.

6. Shamrocks are the national flower of Ireland and are picked on St. Patrick’s Day and worn on the lapel or shoulder. Do you wear green on St. Patty’s Day? And what does this have to do with shamrocks? Yes. My mom’s Irish. I wear green if I remember. Thanks for the national flower info. I’m ready for Jeopardy now.

7. One of Caesar’s assassins, Casca, said, “But, for my own part, it was Greek to me,” which of course means he didn’t understand something. Probably his own lines in the play. Anyway, what is something that is “Greek to you,” something incomprehensible or indecipherable? At the moment I’m thinking this meme. It’s a fucking classic.

8. Is March behaving more like a lion or a lamb where you live? You even are fucking up clichés today. Where’s the coming in and going out part? I’ll go with lion because it’s my favorite animal. And I suppose I should at least try to answer one of these.

9. “An extra yawn one morning in the springtime, an extra snooze one night in the autumn is all that we ask in return for dazzling gifts. We borrow an hour one night in April; we pay it back with golden interest five months later.” -Winston Churchill. If you had one extra hour per day every day, what would you do with it? I see dead people quotes.

10. Legend says that every Leprechaun has a pot of gold hidden deep in the Irish countryside. Aside from real gold or money, what material item would be in your dream pot of gold? When the fuck is What the Hell Wednesday coming back? It could not happen quick enough. This author needs serious meds.

11. “The best things are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of God just before you.” Robert Louis Stevenson. Look around you right now and tell us about something essential or beautiful very near you that you take for granted every day. The path of God? Holy shit. I see more dead people’s quotes.

12. Just for a bit o’ fun, click here and then report your Irish name. Mine is “Zoe O’Sullivan.” I love it! Mine is Tadhg Murphy. I find it fucktardian. And just between us, I have never seen someone work so hard to do a meme that really made no sense whatsoever.

The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. Linda did not sue us to stop crashing her meme, so here we are again! Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: Plinko

1. How old is the oldest pair of shoes in your closet? Every now and then a host of a meme asks very personal questions and you think to yourself “This is a bit out of line.” Then you get this type of question. I mean, what the hell can you do with it? Does anyone really get off their ass and check out the shoes in their closet? And what insight would it provide? In an effort to give our readers an informative and educational meme we will share this: Sandals in Mesopotamia were the first shoes worn in about 1600 B.C. Shoes were made identical until around 1850 when left and right shoes were introduced. In 1851 high heels were invented so that women had something to wear in porn films. That is, once film was invented.

2. Did you buy Girl Scout cookies this year? If so, what variety? Girl scout cookies were not around in 1600 B.C. In fact, after Juliette Gordon Low started Girl Scouting in the United States it took her five years to come up with the fucking cookies. The year was 1917 and mothers of the girls baked their own version in their own kitchens. This went along fine until 1922 when Shirley Higher decided hashish was a great additive. At this point Juliette Gordon Low thought standards should be set. To this day though the best selling and most popular Girl Scout Cookie of all time was Hashish Honey Burst. And no, I don’t know where you can get them for the weekend.

3. Do you know how to ballroom dance? If not, would you like to? If you are offering me lessons Linda, forget it. Yes I did my share of this shit when I was forced (I believe) at gunpoint to participate. We were around 14. If it weren’t for sneaking off to the coatroom to play “show you mine if you show me yours” there would have been no redeeming value to it whatsoever.

4. Were you a responsible child/teenager? I just admitted to playing strip ballroom dancing at age 14. Do the math. Although, truth be told, I actually was a good kid. I never got in trouble and stayed away from alcohol and drugs until it was appropriate.

5. What is your favorite day of the week and why? Wednesdays are Prince Spaghetti days. That said, I like Thursday because the French twins cook me dinner and then we play Hide the Salami. Did I ever mention that Michelle and MaBelle used to be Girl Scouts?

6. If you’re going to have a medical procedure done, such as having blood drawn, is it easier for you to watch someone else having the procedure done or have it done yourself? I don’t think anyone works harder at asking unique questions in a meme than this lady. But why do so many questions not even have the slightest point at all? Take this fucker. I have no problem watching someone have blood drawn. I have no problem having it taken from me. I can’t imagine other than in a small amount of people that their experience would be a lot different from mine. Debbie, I’m still waiting for that Smirnoff.

7. How many of this year’s Oscar-nominated movies did you see? Squatzola. In round numbers.

8. Do you miss anyone right now? Now I am not an expert in writing memes. But I do know a little. When we do Sunday Stealing we ALWAYS edit out the “yes/no” or “one word answer questions”. Had she asked this question and added “tell us about it” it might have been less than totally boring. I know. She’s gonna really hate me and ask me not to play her fucking meme. If Mejis and Living Dead Nurse hadn’t killed What the Hell Wednesday this poor lady would not have me as a problem.

9. Do hospitals make you queasy? No, but meme questions about them do.

10. At which store would you like to max-out your credit card. Not that you ever would, you responsible person, you. Now all that is required is a fucking store name. See what I mean? I don’t do stores lady. I live in what they call the 21st Century. We shop at Amazon.

11. Are you true to the brand names of products/items? True? Like the Beach Boys sang Be True to Your School? If you are asking that if I like a product if I stick with it… Why the fuck would you even are?

12. Which is more difficult: looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when he/she is telling you how he/she feels? Now this is much more like it. Although the truth is that I am a man. If we are talking to a woman, we stare at their breasts. yes I know it’s rude, but we really can’t help it. And trust me, if we are telling a woman how we really feel, totally opening up, that is what we are looking at.

The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. Linda was kind about our first appearance crashing her meme, so here we are again! Her question to us was: Why would you want to? Pretty funny! Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: Linda Decides to Become Irish

1. Do you prefer even or odd numbers? Any particular reason? I love when they start us off with a question that makes us think, “Are you fucking shitting me?” Nice touch.

2. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “not at all” and 10 being Carly Simon-worthy, how vain are you? After the riveting opening question I knew we’d get some substance here in number two. But, I was wrong. What could be the difference between a 6 or 7 on the vanity scale be?

3. Among these Irish stereotypes, with which do you identify most closely? Talkative, Proud, Inquisitive, Love to party, Hot-tempered. Love to party. I know. That choice shocked the shit out of you.

4. How lucky do you consider yourself? Anyone who has beautiful French twins as neighbors is pretty fucking lucky. The fact that we get along so well is the icing on the lucky cake. I know this response is very lame. But look at these questions.

5. What is the subject of your favorite post that you’ve written? Off the top of my head, it would be the interview I did with Saddam Hussein just before his death. I called it Some Are Well Hung.

6. Describe March weather where you live in three words. Who fucking cares?

7. How apt are you at detecting blarney when you hear it? (Smooth talk, flattery) (I’m doing Rod Serling here) Imagine if you will the Linda Crow (the author) has GOT to use the word “blarney” in her pseudo St. Patrick’s Day meme. How long do you think it took her to come up with this? One second? Two? Holy moly, Jodi! Beam me up.

8. How “green” are you, environmentally speaking? In theory I’m fairly responsible. I was the marketing person for conservation for a Fortune 500 company for two years. I use CFL’s even. But I don’t always recycle. I know, this admission alone should make everyone boycott this blog.

9. What is your favorite song this week?

10. You are walking along and see a coin on the ground. What denomination does it have to be before you will stop to pick it up? A 100 dollar gold piece would probably do it.

11. Complete the sentence:”Every time I look outside my window ….”: I see trees of green, red roses too. I see them bloom for me and you. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. I see skies of blue and clouds of white, the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night and I think to myself, what a wonderful world. The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky are also on the faces of people going by. I see friends shaking hands, saying “How do you do?” They’re really saying “I love you.” I hear babies crying, I watch them grow. They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know and I think to myself, what a wonderful world. Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world!

12. What was the #1 song on the day you were born? See this site to find out.

From November 3, 1981. What’s that? You don’t think I look 28? How fucking insulting.

That’s it for your Hump Day!
WTIT: The Blog will return.
We could be Thursday Thunking!
They are using a
guest host this week. I wonder what asshole
that they talked into that?

You never know. Join us then.
Peace bros!