The Random Dozen is hosted by a woman named Linda Crow. This meme has a great following. As memes go, this one is a bit of a left turn. But since Linda has not sued us to stop crashing her meme, we are here again. I’m sure she’s ecstatic. Meme questions are in bold.

The Random Dozen: Really, Really Random

1. How do you feel about “Gladiator” sandals, also called “Roman” or “Jesus” sandals? A fashion yea or nay? Personally I could give a rat’s ass about shoes or sandals. But I decided such a thought provoking question deserved my full effort. So I called Jill Hennessy. Everyone knows we have a past, but we are still on good terms. She told me that she wore them to the Sex in the City premiere. If Jill likes them, I’m down with it dawg.

2. What is your favorite pizza? You’ve got to be shitting me. Do you even read the other memes out there in the blogosphere? Well, I have. I counted them as a favor to Linda. This is the 16th question on pizza preferences in the last 12 days. What this question lacks in originality it more than make up for in sheer redundancy.

3. There are plans in the works to sell roughly 1,000 items from Star Trek: The Experience in Las Vegas. This means you could buy Picard’s chair for your family room. If not a Star Trek item, what prop, background, set, etc. from what TV or movie would you buy if you could? [Ex: Hurley’s “I Love my Shih tzu” shirt from LOST, the plantation home “Tara” from Gone With the Wind, or Tracy’s tambourine from the Partridge Family.] I’d love some furniture from Kim Catrall’s apartment as Samantha in Sex in the City. Now I would get it with her on it, right?

4. Name a local food or restaurant that your area is famous for. My area is only famous for having the WTIT Tape Radio World Headquarters. That said, the area is best known for a local chain of of first class restaurants named Max’s. They are all different. One’s Italian, another French, another sea food and so forth. My favorite happens to be the closest, Max’s Tavern. In fact, my lady and I dined there a couple of weeks ago. Fantastic. Oh, and the restaurant was good, too.

5. What is your current favorite snack? Pistachio nuts. My dad introduced them to me as a kid. I still love them.

6. Hypothetical: You are required to be a reality show contestant. Which show would you choose based on your probability of success? (You cannot choose “none.”)

A. Dancing with the Stars
B. Biggest Loser
C. Survivor

I have never seen a person with more rules in a fucking meme than Linda has in this one. Of course, I ignore them all. “You CANNOT choose “none”.” I have not watched a minute of any of these shows. How do I answer? Oh right. Fuck your rules. None.

7. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being uninhabitable and 10 being cleanliness that meets the standards of OCD, how clean is your vehicle’s interior? OCD? Could this question be more tasteless? This is like asking “On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being anorexic and 10 being a sloppy pig, how much do you eat? And this woman is worried about her fucking meme rules? Holy Moly Jodi! Fucktardian alert! I’ll just post an equally tasteless cartoon.

8. It doesn’t feel like Spring until _________. That first outdoor threesome. Nothing says spring like great outdoor sex. Okay, point taken. I can be pretty tasteless, too. My bad.

9. Something that made you laugh really hard recently is ____. The diatribe that Linda gave giving her meme rules. And the chastising of her players who don’t follow them was truly fucktardian. I was going to parody her rant, but I thought she made such an ass of herself that anything I’d add would be piling on.

10. Tell me about a goal you’re working toward. I am going for the world’s record for answering stupid meme questions. Fortunately with the addition of Random Dozen we are WAY ahead of schedule.

11. Share a thought-provoking or inspiring quote this week. My daughter once quoted on her blog, “Don’t be concerned about all hell breaking loose. Worry about just apiece breaking loose because it will be much harder to detect.” I can’t improve on that.

12. Name one thing that you do as a parent that you absolutely know will make your kids happy. If you’re not a parent, feel free to substitute “friend” or nomenclature that works for you. I have four kids. They are all individuals. So this question is not only impossible but a bit naive unless your kids are five and under. What’s that? Her kid’s are are all under five? Wow. I didn’t see that coming.