The Queen of Memes, Mimi Lenox, requested that I do this meme. It was not an easy task. Perhaps I am cranky today. Because you guys know I enjoy spoofing a meme. This one was particularly tough. And Mimi did SUCH a great job with a tough meme, it added to the challenge.
I hope you survive my version of this masterpiece. Meme questions are in bold.
Have you ever bought yourself a gift for Christmas, Valentines Day, a birthday or any other occasion and then wrapped it up and pretended it was from someone else? No. I am not a fucktard, or a complete moron. But thanks for asking.
Have you ever sent yourself flowers, chocolates or anything else to your place of employment so it seemed as if someone else were sending you a gift? I am seeing everything twice. How is this fucking question different than the last one? Because you do it in front of people so you’d have to be even a bigger fucktard?
How often do you text message? Please. Call me or email me. I know that’s not a hip answer, but it is how I feel. No texty.
Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted longer? Yes. I dated a woman named Pam and the sex was outrageous. But I only dated her once. I really should have had an encore.
When do you blow out the candles? This may be the all time stupidest meme question. Bite me.
Do you give out second chances too easily? Is “never” easily? Ah, I thought not.
If you could cuddle with anyone right now, who would you pick, and why? Like I’d waste my time on a cuddle? Ask me who I want to give me head and I’d give it some thought.
Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? People love me. Unlike my blog persona where I swear my fucking head off and sleep with anyone who passes by, my real life is very different. Oh yeh, I still sleep with a lot of woman, but swearing, not so much.
Who was the last person to REALLY piss you off? Your naked mama. Why won’t they leave after sex?
Would you ever want to be a supermodel? BWAHAHAHA. I am 256 years old. I won’t be in my modeling prime for at least another 15 years. Geez.
Do you know what you will wear tomorrow? I’m a guy. I won’t even know when I leave the house.
What is the last thing you put your lips against? Zero. Mimi. This meme bites. Just sayin’.
Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect? God I hope not.
What serial killer do you find most disturbing? You have to be shitting me. I think they all are fairly disturbing. Am I suppose to have a favorite?
Are you ever purposely irritating? Not nearly as irritating as this meme.
Are you cheating on your significant other right now? If I had one, I could answer you. Can I get back to you in 2010?
Are you contemplating cheating on your significant other right now? Oh fuck off.
When was the last time you sat down and watched kiddie cartoons? 20 years, 4 months, 3 days, 9 hours. Give or take a decade.
Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers? No. Just my middle finger.
Do you have any text messages that you would be embarrassed to let your mom read? Stay with me here. I don’t text. And now I know a ten year old wrote this meme. I’ll get you back for this, my Queen.
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids/your next kid? I’ve got four kids. The youngest is 23. So, I am thinking maybe next week. Sound good to you?
Do you know anyone with the same first name as you? I was with a guy today who has BOTH my first and last name. (True.) He is an assistant manager of a liquor store. We chat once a week.
When was the last time you went to church? It had to be for a wedding or a funeral. You pick it. I can’t waste my thought on it.
What were you doing the last time you were in the bathroom? You’re shitting me.
Have you ever had a Razr as a phone? No. I do shave with one. And you should use spell check.
Which energy drink is better; Amp or Rockstar? Smirnoff beats the hell out of either.
Would you rather eat a Milkyway or eat a Twix? Mimi, I owe you one here!
Do you like the taste of licorice? No.
Would you ever walk around with a free hugs sign like the dude on youtube? After he was brutally put to death? I think not.
Do you/did you ever have dreams of being a rockstar? I am fucking done here.
If vegetarians think its wrong to eat living things, why do they eat plants? No, I am done.