When Foxxfyre puts out the word, we members of the Unofficial Gem-osophy Gale Martin Cheerleading Team respond. Now what the fuck this meme has to do with Gale writing her novel, only Frank knows. Or maybe Bob from Bobbarama might know as well, since his fucking anniversary, a lot of strange shit has been happening. Now it is WTIT Tape Radio: The Blog to the rescue. Why, what or who does not matter. Unless a naked girl knocks on my door again. Nah, that happened last night and may be the subject of another post. But enough on that, we’ve got to post it before she returns tonight. Here are the rules of this incredibly ridiculous exercise. (Ooops, Frank. Of course I mean that with A LOT of respect.) Besides we are at least two days late already. The rules:
1. Choose two genres from the ones listed below in #4
2. Come up with a suitable title for a different novel for each of your genre choices.
3. Write a different opening ‘atrocious’ paragraph of your ‘highly praised novel’ in context to each genre you chose, paying particular attention to the “Dark and stormy” quality of your first sentence of your paragraph. Don’t just rewrite the “Dark and stormy” sentence for your paragraph. Come up with something new and fresh, but ‘atrocious’ too. The sentence and paragraph should follow good English grammar rules. Don’t just write a grammatical mess of a sentence. Remember, you are a Nobel Prize worthy author.
4. Choose two of the following genres for each of your “Prized Novels”: Western, Science Fiction, Romance, Historical Fiction, Modern Contemporary Fiction, Mystery, Comedy, Horror.
5. Post the meme description and rules.
6. Post your first genre choice, title and paragraph, followed by your second genre choice, title and paragraph.
7. Prepare yourself for accolades of laughter and ridicule for your “Highly Praised Novels” atrocious openings.
8. Contact the Nobel Prize officials for you may just continue and write that award winning novel.
9. Tag people, lottsa people. I’m tagging the entire cheering squad, ggg GGG.Optionally, you could even enter your opening sentence in the formal Bulwer-Lytton contest.
The first novel is Science Fiction. The name of the novel is:
Kirk James and the Lost Planetoid.
The thunder didn’t bother Kirk as much as not knowing what type of storm to expect. Kirk hit the button on his recorder and spoke, “Memo to self: If you gotta crash land your spaceship don’t do it at night in a storm.” He chuckled. But being on a planet that you do not know and facing a storm that could be anything, was not a great feeling. “Might rain real cats and dogs here,” Kirk thought to himself and then chuckled. Kirk was the only one whom found himself even mildly amusing. His specialty was navigation. He had to get back to the Captain and the crew. Kirk ran as he saw the ship. The Captain came forward, “Kirk did you figure out where we are?” Kirk replied with authority, “First can I say we’ve made excellent time. But we are lost.” Kirk never tired of that ancient joke. The Captain said, “Look, Chuckles, get the navigation system on line. Or we will use you as a human barricade for whatever this storm is.” Kirk hurried and thought, “Last time he did that it rained broken pieces of glass.”
Now that you’ve probably wet yourself with that “Gem” (We couldn’t help ourselves, sorry!) Here is our second and final novel. (We now hear a sigh of relief in the cosmos…) It’s in the Romance category titled:
The UPS and DOWNS of Love.
She was nervous with the rain outside, never caring for the dark hues of the trees she could see through her window. She was missing her man. Stella sometimes could not even remember where she lost him. “Oh while we shopped,” she thought. Maybe he’d find his way back to her someday. Or maybe she’d meet someone new. She heard a knock on her door. Was it him? Did he ever get out of Walmart? She unlatched the door. She had never seen a man like him before. She put up a finger and whispered, “Shhhhhhhh”. She led him in without a word being spoken. She instinctively kissed him, mouths wide and probing. She just loved his brown ensemble. “You can tell a lot by a man by the way he dresses,” her mother had once said. When the lovemaking was through he dressed. “Are you Stella Mella?” he asked. She was amazed he knew her name. “I’m from UPS. You gotta sign for the package.” Stella paused, “Oh. Is that your name?” She pointed at his name tag. “Yes,” he answered, “I am Stuart Downs.”
That is it from The WTIT Tape Radio Blog for this session. We will return, so you have been warned. Now we are not promising anything nearly as clever as today, but perhaps Frank will tag us again. Oops, someone is knocking on my door. It better be the naked girl from last night. Join us when we return.
Same time. Same blog.