It’s really time for me to take a break from blogging. I always say that breaks keep writers sharp. So we won’t be running Wednesday Wickedness today. But because of the date and our shameless need for attention, I thought I’d share this post from this date, last year. It might take my mind off of my 259th birthday. I know I look fucking ten years younger, so don’t fucking start with me. You can suffer my birthday blues with me.

So in our tradition of ripping off a meme we found The Birthday Meme. Since it is my birthday, I’m not even going to credit the theft. Not because I’ve become a total jerk, but I just don’t remember who I stole it from. But I will say this, if you look you will find it. To be frank, I really don’t mind birthdays since I turned 30 a couple of years back. On that birthday I realized I was no longer a kid. To show you how immature I really was, the two kids and a third to be born six weeks later had not given me a clue. I now have four grown kids (that I know of…), two grandkids and a third on the way. Okay, here are the fucking complicated rules of this meme:

To play this one, look up your birthday in Wikipedia. Pick 4 events, 3 births, 2 deaths and 1 holiday. The Wikipedia quotes from are in bold.

Events:

1468 – Liège is sacked by Charles I of Burgundy‘s troops. Liège was thrown for an eleven yard loss. The final score was Lions 21 Troops 10. Liège’s stats: He passed for 213 yards and threw 1 interception. (Yes, I know it’s really a city. And they really are talking about war. But how could a city play quarterback?)

1793 – French playwright, journalist and feminist Olympe de Gouges is guillotined. In a television interview the next day Olympe was such a wimp that she complained of a headache.

1913 – The United States introduces an income tax. John McCain wrote the bill. The following day H&R Block opened.

1918 – Poland declares its independence from Russia. Fortunately for Russia, the Poles all got drunk on potato vodka. By the next morning, nobody remembered a thing.

Births:

39 – Lucan, Roman poet (d. 65) He correctly predicted that there would come a day when there were enough people to actually have a last name. Madonna did not receive the memo.

1856 – Jim McCormick, baseball player (d. 1918) Who will ever forget the catch he made in the 1877 World Series? I get chills just watching the video of it.

1896 – Gustaf Tenggren, Swedish illustrator (d. 1970) He drew the very first X-rated adult cartoon named “Give It to Me Big Boy” which is considered a classic to this day.

Deaths:

1600 – Richard Hooker, English theologian (b. 1554) His love of all thing prostitute led to the modern day slang calling them “sluts who get paid a lot”.

1990 – Mary Martin, American actress (b. 1913) Mary spent her life “gender confused” by playing the male, Peter Pan, for one hundred six years. She didn’t discover the problem until she asked Wendy for a blow job. No one is sure who was more surprised.

2002 – Lonnie Donegan, Scottish musician (b. 1931) He was the original bassist for the Rolling Stones. Mic Jagger once explained that he was hired so someone in the band would always look older than Keith Richards. The plan was exposed when Lonnie was asked whether he was Keith’s oldest son.

Holiday:

Japan – Culture Day (originally celebrated as Emperor’s Birthday until the Meiji Emperor’s death in 1912) But now it is celebrated as Bud Weiser’s birthday. The Japanese celebrate by swearing in every fucking sentence and sharing pictures of half naked women. They also eat a lot of rice and drink Smirnoff right from the bottle.