Best of Lola

We are on vacation this week, spending the week at the New Jersey shore. We are with our daughter Heather and her family and my son Ben and his wife. One of our ALL TIME POPULAR features at WTIT: The Blog was written by Lola. Before there was Crazy Sam and her Saturday 9, there was Lola. Lola wrote a blog named Saturday 8. The biggest difference is these Saturday memes was that Lola wrote very long questions, which both asked her question and editorialized. If you are new to this feature we think you will find some of her questions and the way that she asked them laugh-out-loud funny. Oh, and Lola hated us. If we signed in to say our answers were on our site, she would delete. But in truth, we were brutal to her, as you will see. If you remember this feature, we know you’ll enjoy a trip down memory lane. If you are new to it, have a blast! Lola’s questions are in bold.

sat8 :: morbidity?

a close family friend passed this week, so we’re going to take a look at the (lighter) side of death, just like he wanted it!

1. my friend’s dad refused to let him create a formal funeral for him. some people need to grieve with a such a ceremony. do you need a formal “goodbye” to properly grieve? Yes. I generally will wear my best tux.

2. we’re getting together with a huge BBQ and lots of alcohol, which was his request, in a few weeks to memorialise him. would you prefer this to a formal ceremony? I really do not think there is anything better than “lots of alcohol”. It’s hard to improve on that. Add a doobie, maybe.

3. i plan on having a mausoleum to be buried in, full of fat little marble cherubs and a nice place for my kids to come and sit & talk to me after i go. what’s your final resting place going to look like? God am I glad I am not one of your kids. You want a tomb, perhaps something in a used pyramid. Trust me, the kids won’t be coming around to “chat” to a fucking wall.

4. my friend is out of touch with everyone, which is understandable. however, he’s not even ringing up his live-in girlfriend to keep her apprised of his plans. his mother, on the other hand, is on the phone nonstop talking to everyone. when you grieve, do you shut yourself away from friends/family, or do you need them there with you to help ease the pain? Your friend is now out of touch? Death has a way of doing that. Tell his girlfriend it is hard for a corpse to ring her up. Tell his mother to get off the fucking phone.

5. the first pet i lost was a marmalade tom named herman. herman got eaten by an alligator (no, i’m serious). i remember being 5 yrs. old and my parents telling me that herman was seen getting gobbled up by an alligator. who was the first pet you lost as a child? I had a pet alligator that choked to death on a big fat house cat.

6. when i was about 9 years old, my friend and her brothers were killed in a drunk-driving accident. it was the first funeral i’d ever gone to. do you remember your first funeral?Technically my first funeral will be my last. Has anyone ever taught you english so that your questions could make some sort of , well, sense?

7. for centuries, people have been buried in mass graves due to disease, convenience, or war crimes, etc. do you feel mass graves are ok because we’re simply a mass of cells which can be broken down, or do you feel that every single person who dies deserves a solitary resting place with a marker, etc.? Are you shitting me? Give me a mass grave. It must be very lonely in a solo coffin.

8. OT question – i have a work semi-formal ceremony to go to tonight. are you the type that likes to go to company-sponsored lavish events where everyone dresses up to hit the open bar with free gourmet food, OR would you prefer something that’s quiet and more reserved, like a “thank-you” lunch? I don’t even want to meet a person who’d answer this question with “a thank-you lunch”. This question has nothing to do with anything. Lola, you are losing it. That is, if you ever had it all. An open bar is like sitting on the right hand of God. No wonder you went out of business last February.