So there I was. Checking out Turnbaby’s cleavage. Not in person and not by choice. As a regular reader I was bound to stumble on her cleavage. What was she doing? So I checked with the ultimate authority of all of the blogosphere, Queen Mimi. “Oh your highest of majesties, what is going on with the Turnbaby and her cleavage thing (not that it wasn’t an eloquent picture, it was)?” Fortunately, since the Queen was sitting next to me, it did not take long for the answer. The Queen asked, “Bud did you by any chance actually read her post?” She had me there. I’m a guy. Not only do we get distracted easily, but reading the post to find out about the cleavage would be like…stopping and asking for directions. It just doesn’t happen in this universe. It turned out that Mr. Fab of Pointless Drivel was behind the cleavage contest.
Here are Mr. FAB’s rules:
In a nutshell: This is a two part contest.
Part One will be to match the blogger with the cleavage. The person who matches the most correctly wins a $50 gift card/certificate to the lingerie store of their choice*.
Part Two will be to vote for the best cleavage picture. The person whose cleavage picture is judged to the best will win a $50 gift card/certificate to the lingerie store of their choice*.
The rules:
· Email your cleavage picture to me by 6 PM EST Saturday March 8. Put the word “contest” in your subject line.
· Only bloggers are eligible
· Male bloggers are encouraged to submit a picture as well.
· Only one submission per blogger.
· It is possible for the same person to win both contest parts.
· The picture must be of the blogger’s own cleavage. No internet photos. Cheaters will be found out and disqualified and vilified.
· No nude photos. No naked boobs. That includes you fellows as well.
· The photo must not show your face. That would kind of defeat the purpose, right?
· You are not allowed to divulge which picture is yours either on your blog or in the comment section of this blog. I’ll be checking.
· I went back and forth on nipplage. Obviously no bare nipples. If they are poking up, so be it. As Mrs. Fab said, “If it’s a cold room, it’s a cold room.”
· No pimping for votes. Let your cleavage stand on its own!
I will start the contest with the Tuesday March 11 post. That post will contain both Part One and Part Two. At that time, instructions for both Parts (matching and voting) will be given.
Now why all these rules and keeping the contest, well PG-13 rated? I was more than a bit confused until I got to the rules where I read about “Mrs. Fab”. While I have read Pointless Drivel before, I am not a regular reader. My bad. Spending the time to get to the bottom (or is that “top”) of this cleavage thing I found that it is a terrific blog to which I will become a regular reader. But the conservative part was because of a wife. I am not handicapped in that way. My wives always tended to go away.
What we need then, is taking Mr. Fab’s terrific idea and totally pervert it. So we will have the first annual:
And even though I haven’t a wife I’ll still need rules. So here are the rules to WTIT The Blog’s first ever Naked Female Photo Contest:
In a eggshell: (I wrote this yesterday on Easter. And I had no nutshells.) This is a two-part contest.
Part One will be to match the blogger with her naked body. The person who matches the most correctly wins a $5 certificate to their local Exxon/Mobil station.
Part Two will be to vote for the Naked Female picture. The person whose picture is judged to the best will win a $5 gift card to their neighborhood Shell station.
The rules, ladies:
· Email your Naked Photo to me by 6 PM EDT Saturday April 5th. Put the word “contest” in your subject line.
· Only bloggers and their significant others or and woman with a hot body will be eligible.
· Male bloggers are encouraged to submit a picture as well. But don’t send the fucking picture here. And there are no terrific gas cards for the guys, either. So you can either send a site where they might be appreciate it. Any submitted to WTIT will be trashed.
· Only one hundred submissions per blogger.
· It is possible for the same person to win both contest parts, but only if they actually have awesome body parts as well.
· The Naked Photos must be of the blogger’s own body. Or that of their friends or their sisters or cousins. No internet photos. I may be an idiot but those I can get myself. Cheaters will be found out and disqualified and vilified and awarded a $2 Exxon/Mobil card.
· Totally or partially nude photos are eligible. No sex acts (You can send us these in case we change our mind and our blog’s fucking family rating) will be published.
· The photo must not show your face. Unless you want it to, but then your face must be nude as well.
· You are not allowed to divulge which picture is yours either on your blog or in the comment section of this blog. I’ll be checking. Of course, if you include your face than this rule makes no friggin’ sense whatever.
· I went back and forth on photos with toys. Obviously no gross sex acts. As Mrs. Weiser would say if there was one, “Gross sex acts are, well so gross.” So, my wives weren’t very bright either. Of course that would be a given if they thought marrying me was a good idea.
· No pimping for votes. Let your nude body stand on its own!
I will start the contest with the Tuesday April 8th post. That post will contain both Part One and Part Two. And Part Three if we add one. At that time, instructions for all Parts (matching and voting) will be given. If you have stayed awake through these mindless instructions, congratulations. You are just a photo away from winning five bucks!
Now all I gotta do is sit back, relax and wait for all you fabulously attractive women to explain to your significant other why you need him to take a naked photo of you. Then voila! We will have so much fun matching your pic to your name. And if need be, we will be glad to testify for you in any civil suits, legal proceedings or divorce actions. Of course it might work out better for you if I testify for the other side. Your choice, however. Email your photo right away! Extra points for quickness! In the meantime, I will be here in the studio of WTIT Tape Radio: The Blog. And we will return.
Same time. Same blog.
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