WTIT: The Blog

Thank you Allison for hosting Sunday Stealing. to join in click here.

Stealing: The Monsters in the Closet Meme

We married in October of 2012

Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? I do my damnedest to close it. The large closet in the master bedroom is mine. It is almost the length of one wall If open it makes the bedroom look like a closet. Now you are asking, where the fuck does Kathy keep her clothes. She has a room that she calls her makeup room. It has a rack for clothes and a closet, it also has all the stuff she needs to produce her youtube TV shows.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? No. I use certain personal products and while I’ll use their shit so I don’t have to bring it, I’d never use anything but my own tried and true products. If this question is insinuating that taking them is steal, the it’s a stupid question. I operated two hotels for a decade (family business). We are giving those to you. Just leave the fucking towels on your way out.

Have you ever ‘done it’ in a hotel room? This question is even stupider. You aren’t joining the mile-high club. Can you imagine anyone saying “no” to this? And don’t fucking tell me “priests”. I do not believe they honor their pledge of celibacy. They are men. I had a very serious girlfriend that had a Monica Lewinsky thing with her parish priest. He said “I can’t touch you because of my vow. But you can give me a blowjob, God’s cool with that…” What a pig. She finally realized what happened and complained to the state’s archbishop. She was told that if she pursued the matter SHE would be excommunicated. She had to move. She was a wonderful lady. During my separation from Kathy (we now call it her “lost weekend” after John & Yoko’s separation) I tried to call her but her phone was out of service. That number was special for her. The last digits were 1438. They stood for the letters in an expression. 1 = I. 2 = love. 3 = you. Her parents said “123” to each other as she grew up. she added the “8” to mean infinity or really “forever”. I googled her to find that she passed away.

 Where is your next vacation? Let me tell you about my trip to San Diego. I went to see my son James who went their for the weather and to join a rock band to hook up with. He joined a band which became So Long Davey. They opened for major acts like The Plain White Tees. As they seemed top have a record contract after eight years of hard work struggling the lead singer quit. The songs were excellent. So James and I caught up. He lives in the tiniest studio apartment that I ever saw. And his girlfriend (Who is sweet & adorable) lives there as well. Naturally I was in a hotel. We toured the beaches o the first day. I had never seen the Pacific Ocean before and it was fabulous. We toured the zoo (James’ girlfriend got us in for free) and the next day we went on a safari ride that was like being in Africa. We feed giraffes and rhinos. We had fabulous meals at the restaurants that they recommended. I hated traveling alone. While I did plan the trip as Kathy was moving back in, we felt that it was all about my visit with James. It was not a bright decision on a lot of levels. But it sucked mostly because it is so boring to travel alone.

Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No.

Who do you think reads these? Total morons. I have yet to write one fucking funny line. Am I losing my touch? I was told recently that I was the funniest guy that (whoever it was) met. Today I’ve talked of a trip and a dead ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t get funnier than that.

Do you have a calendar in your room? No. I use a sundial and read the stars at night.

Where are you? Really? I was the guy who invented this meme. But seriously, what does this question mean? Write my resume? Or “I am married to a wonderful woman and have four children and four grandchildren. A fifth is on its way.” Anyway you cut it, this is not a question. I’d complain to its author, but alas it is not credited.

What’s your plan for the day? To write one funny response. And to apologize for call my readers “morons”. I started this blog as an outlet to write humor, not write a journal of my life. I did print out my rough draft of my book. I want Kathy to read some of it. She is honest enough to tell me if it hits the mark or it doesn’t. If you’d like to read it email me. (bud.weiser AT wtit dot net) But I will only send it if you give me brutally honest feedback.

Are you reading any books right now? No. As you guys know, I only read newspapers and articles online. But I did order a book for the first time in years. I’ve watched a show called Big Cat Diary for years. From 1998 until 2008 or 9, the BBC produced the show and it has run on Animal Planet ever since. It’s a virtual armchair safari. Its been called an animal soap opera because it follows a leopard family, a pride of lions and a cheetah family each season. The host are terrific, Simon King and Jonathan Scott for the first few seasons and join by Saba Douglas-Hamilton since 2002. Scott wrote a book after the show finished on a pride of the lions that tells what’s happened during and after Big Cat Diary wrapped up. He recently updated it. It’s now on its way.

Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Here we go again. How many stupid questions can this meme have? I have counted how many steps the French twins must step to my room. It was our version of the children’s game “Red Light”. In our version you don’t get sent back if I catch you. You must remove an article of clothing. They love it. This was the night we met. While the two naked women argued, I opened a bottle of wine. It calmed them down. If you want the rules of the game or pictures, send your tax free contribution to The Bud Red Light Fund.

Have you ever peed in the woods? This is torture. Shoot me, I’m begging you.

Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing? No, I pee when there’s no music on and I dance in the fucking woods.

Do you chew your pens and pencils? I often carry a pencil. It’s a number two in case I have to take my SATs again.

What is your “Song of the Week”? I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I like a Justin Bieber song. First time ever. It’s currently #1 called “Love Yourself” which really mean “Fuck Yourself”. It’s catch and clever.

Is it okay for guys to wear pink? A homophobic question! Great.

Do you still watch cartoons? We covered this two weeks ago. But thanks for asking it again.

What’s your favorite love movie? “When Harry Met Sally”. If your not friends as lovers than you have nothing.

What do you drink with dinner? Diet Coke or one of my sweet Crystal Light drinks.

What do you dip Chicken Nuggets in? If eating this shit is a requirement for playing Stealing, then count me out. I’ll tell you where you can dip them, but also I don’t know who write this fucker.

What is your favorite food/cuisine? It’s not chicken nuggets for sure.

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? “Debbie Does Grandpa”. That old guy looked very happy. Until he died from a heart attack the next day. His son did the eulogy. He said that “He died doing something he loved…” No shit.

Last person you hugged/kissed? That would be me lady, me wife Kathy. If you told me on New Year’s Day that we’d get back together and I’d stop drinking I would have roared with laughter. But here we are. I’ll just say that I’m very happy.

Were you ever a boy/girl scout? No. But I do buy the cookies if that counts.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Of course. They are dying to see a guy in his sixties naked. True story: About a year ago I streaked (ran naked) through Kathy’s TV show. She thought it was so funny that she kept it in. She edited it so you could not see my junk. She gets over 400 comments on her videos. That day women said they tried to slow it to frame-by-frame to see my genital package and were frustrated that they could. I could not believe it. At my age it was flattering.

Have a great week. Here are some more pics from San Diego. Peace & love. Join us nest time. Same time. Same blog.

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