Every Saturday WTIT: The Blog brings you a meme called Saturday 9. It’s not to say that this is a bright idea, but it is what we do. A woman named Crazy Sam started this meme because a prior popular Saturday meme specialist Lola had retired. So, Sam contacted all Lola’s participants and invited us to participate in her meme. Let’s begin!

Saturday 9: Da Ya Think I’m Sexy

1. When do you feel that you are at your sexiest? Between 10:33 PM and 11:03 AM. Give or take 13 hours.

2. What’s your favorite magazine? Why? Horse and Hound. Why? I’m trying to impress Anna Scott.

3. What’s something you do more quickly than most people? Drive. Hey lady, pull over!

4. When do you first remember using a computer? I owned a chain of video stores for 10 years (1981-1990). We computerized them around 1984. My personal computer was really just a word processor. I thought it was amazing.

5. Who is the craziest person in your family? My Uncle Fred fashioned himself as an inventor. He thought he really had a winner with his wearable gum ball machine. Try as he would, no one ever noticed him trying to sell his gum. Fortunately his wife, my Aunt Maxine, worked as a prostitute part time. So when she went off duty, Uncle Fred would wear her wig and g-string to walk around selling gum. Sales went WAY up, but I always had the feeling that people bought the gum to make him go away. Go figure.

6. What one thing are you craving today? A UConn win. It’s been a crazy season with Calhoun out with his back problems. When his legs got severe nerve pain, he immediately took a leave of absence. He has the same thing that I did. I waited a year and a half to take a leave. Being a millionaire has its perks. He’s being operated on Monday. I had to wait six weeks before I could be fit in. I’m whining here, aren’t I? So, never mind.

 7. What is your favorite thing to spend money on? Gum. I want Uncle Fred to go away, too.

8. What’s the part of your morning you least look forward to every day? Waking up. If it’s before noon, I consider it the middle of the night.

9. What are some rules you have for yourself that don’t really make much sense? None. All MY rules make sense.

1. History does not repeat itself. Historians merely repeat each other.

2. If it’s any good at all, they will discontinue it.

3. People who love sausage and respect the law, should never watch either being made.

4. The one-day you’d sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

5. Never get into a fight with an ugly person. They have nothing to lose.

6. Everybody lies. It’s okay though, because nobody listens.

7. When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.

8. Never attribute to malice what could more easily be explained by stupidity.

9. If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

10. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

11. It is easier to beg forgiveness than get permission.

12. If you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

13. How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are.

14. By the time you get to the point where ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

15. Borrow from pessimists. They never expect it back.

16. He who hesitates is probably right.

17. Generalizations are always false, including this one.

18. Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.

19. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No sense being a fool about it.

20. Never delay the end of a meeting or the beginning of a happy hour.

21. If it were not for the last minute, nothing would get done at all.

22. Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

23. No problem is too big, too complicated or too complex, that it can not be run away from.

24. You can’t win. You can’t break even. You can’t even quit the game.

25. In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right … something is wrong.

26. Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.

27. Once a job is fucked up, anything done to improve it will only make it worse.

28. Doing it the hard way is always easier.

29. Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.

30. Everyone has a scheme that will not work. Everyone that does not work has a scheme that does.

31. If you keep your head while everyone is losing theirs, then you don’t understand the problem.

32. Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.

33. To err is human – to blame it on somebody else is even more human.

35. If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody’s approval, somebody won’t like it.

36. The customer who pays the least complains the most.

37. The longer you wait in line, the greater likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

38. Anything labeled NEW and/or IMPROVED isn’t.

39. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

40. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

41. It takes a big man to cry. It takes a bigger man to laugh at him.

42. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.

43. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

44. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

45. The 50-50-90 Law: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

46. If you’re going through hell, keep going.

47. Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.

48. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

49. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

 50. Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.