W.T.F. Thursday: Trapping a Bunch of Snakes on Hidden Camera
1) How did your education prepared you for your current career? Do you wish you had taken a different path academically? Just by having the degree. It is rare for a high profile sales executive not to have a degree. My degree was in communications. It certainly prepared me for a twenty year radio career. This collage on the left shows some of the radio stations that I worked at.
2) If you could pick the two major candidates for the next presidential race (politicians, celebrities, people you personally know, etc.), who would we see running? Jill Hennessy and George Clooney. Eye candy for everyone!
3) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Since I’ve done TV as well as radio, I’m an in front of the camera guy. I generally flip the bird when photographed at apple picking events when caught on camera.
4) What is one simple indulgence you could never live without? You may not know this, but I occasionally pour a glass of Smirnoff. Shaken, not stirred.
5) If you were trapped in a pit full of snakes, and you could call one person to save you, who would that be? Jeff Corwin. I was going to say Steve Irwin, but then I remember the sting ray.
6) Joy Engel at HowAboutWe.com recently wrote about the eight worst things ever said to her on a date. She includes “I really like Nickelback” and “Star Wars is overrated” on the list. What’s the worst thing someone’s ever said to you on a date? This is yet another episode of my habit of dating incredibly weird women. And yes, it might be a case of “Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame, but I know it’s our own damn fault.” (©Jimmy Buffett) Although I believe most adult dating is SO radically different than say, during your teens and twenties.
There is a singles dance every Sunday in the Hartford area. At one time it was part of my regular routine. At the end of a busy night of dancing and enjoying myself, I saw the woman of my dreams. I gathered up the courage to walk over to meet her. (Okay, those who know me realize that this is a lie. I am very comfortable meeting people. Particularly when alcohol is involved.) Our eyes met, she smiled, “It’s the last dance, would you care to join me?” She thought for a second and responded, “Yes. My name is Dawn”. I walked to her car, got her phone number, and made my exit, stage left.
I called Dawn on Tuesday. Phone numbers are like fruit. If you don’t use them quickly, they tend to rot. “Remember me, I met you two weeks ago” is a death call. There are easier ways to get shot down or commit suicide. Hara-kiri comes to mind. Dawn answered the phone and it 
became obvious that she had a girlfriend over. To every question I asked she requested me to “Hold on.” Then Dawn would cover the phone before responding. “We need to meet somewhere,” Dawn insisted. I am never one to argue this point. It is a smart thing for a woman to do. Dawn’s friend insisted on this point, but neglected to make sure Dawn understood “Why” to meet a date and not have a guy pick you up. Dawn asked if I’d meet her at, now get this one, at a gas station.
So there I was, sitting at a Mobil station in Plainville to meet Dawn. Dawn was right on time, which was 5:30. Her comes the part about Dawn not “getting it.” Dawn said “Hi” and then said, “We are so close to my apartment, let’s drop my car off.” Okay, then. Dawn asks me to follow her and we are dealing with rush hour traffic. She jumps into traffic and drives off, not stopping to see if I followed. Yes, all the red flags are up now, but remember this is a beautiful, sexy woman. I 
waited until she returned. “You didn’t follow me.” “Dawn,” I responded, “My car does not fly. How did you expect me to follow you?” Dawn said, “There was too much traffic, I had no choice. There is an Italian restaurant next to the gas station. Would you like to go there?” I answered in the affirmative.We are seated at what is a pizza joint not an Italian restaurant., Billy Joel did not write, “Bottle of red, bottle of white” about this hell hole. Dawn orders a wine. I assume it is a beer/wine place so I ordered a Budweiser. Now begins the adventure. Here’s the dialog:
Dawn: Bud, Dawn needs to know something.” (Oh my God, I thought, she is talking in the third person.) Dawn knows that she is a great catch for Bud. She is young, pretty and bright.Now Dawn does understand that Bud has four children. Dawn would like to get very serious with Bud. Would Bud have a child with Dawn?
Bud: Could we have dinner first?
Dawn: Dawn thinks Bud is a very funny man. But seriously, would Bud have a child with Dawn?
Bud: (I am very experienced with this type of question. I have been single for all but three years since 1990.) Dawn, yes I have four kids. I love kids. Why wouldn’t I have another?
Dawn: Dawn thinks this is REALLY encouraging. Dawn thinks that she and Bud will be together a long time.
Bud: (Now if she means that I’ll probably eat my grinder before leaving, than “yes.” It will be a LONG time) Waitress!
Waitress: Yes, Sir.
Bud: Do you have any real alcohol here?
Waitress: Why yes, sir. What can I get you?
Bud: Smirnoff Vodka, please.
Waitress: With what?
Bud: A glass and some ice. And quickly, very quickly.
Dawn: Dawn is SO happy this is going so well!!
I had another Smirnoff and paid the check. When we got outside Dawn asked, “Would Bud like to see Dawn’s apartment?” I paused, smiled and said, “Dawn, as you said, this went so well, why spoil it?” “Okay,” Dawn smiled, “When Bud picks up Dawn next time, he can see the apartment.”I am sure you are shocked. There turned out not to be a “next time”. Every word here is exactly as it happened.
7) Should a marriage license have a renewal date or expiration date, like a driver’s license? I think marriage should be illegal.
8) Where would you like to place a hidden camera? You’ve asked this before. I said, “In your bedroom. I wanna watch you and your ‘future husband’ not have oral sex.”
