1) Daily deal websites (like Groupon, LivingSocial, Seize the Deal, and even the pet-oriented DoggyLoot) are all the rage right now. Have you bought anything from any of those deal websites? You mean like a threesome from LivingSocial? Nope. I still get them the old fashioned way. Being charming as hell.
2) A former classmate of mine posted a Facebook status recently saying that she finally got her first “real world” job, to which I welcomed her to the hell of adulthood. She responded by saying, “Hell is being an adult and still having a part-time job at Old Navy!” How would you describe hell on earth? Being unemployed.
3) Many people are doing their back-to-school shopping for their children or themselves right now. Did you have a favorite character/theme for your school supplies when you were in school? Or, do you like to have unique supplies (like the high heel shoe-shaped tape dispenser on my office desk) for your office/home today? You win the award for a meme with an“either or” question where the two choices have nothing to do with each other. And may I add, make not a bit of sense. No, I did not have a Howdy Doody lunch box. (Google it. It was a few years ago.) And why the fuck anybody would have a high heeled anything but a shoe is SO beyond my compression, it’s scary.
4) Speaking of office supplies, some people love using Sharpie markers to draw in eyebrows. What is your favorite use for a Sharpie? Drawing on naked women has been a passion of mine going back to when I made up this answer.
5) Who is a celebrity you’d love to sit down and have a conversation with? Jill Hennessy, duh.
6) I recently discovered a list of 100 “crazy” things you should do before you die. (Click here to read.) What is something you think everyone should do before they die? “Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Take off your pants and slide on the ice.” Dr. Sidney Freeman’s last line on the M*A*S*H finale.
7) What is the worst job in the world? I would imagine being your boss would be a fucking disaster.
8) What television show’s filming would you love to be in the audience watching? American Idol. I hear JLo’s on the market again. Perhaps that’s why Nurse Hawthorne slept with Marc Anthony on Hawthorne.
9) Some people are annoyed when other people talk on cell phones while in line at a store. I discovered something even more annoying — someone ahead of me paying for a case of beer with all pennies. When you’ve been behind someone in the checkout lane at a store, what is the most annoying thing a person has done? The cell phone ass wipes win. But my peeve is check writing. If you must live sometime in the 1980s, could you at least fill out the date and store name before it’s time to pay. The worst is when they haven’t even looked for the checkbook. When I was at CVS the other day a lady took 15 minutes from the time the cashier said “$21.49” till she left. She searched through her suitcase of a pocketbook for a full five. She paused to discuss the weather while she looked for a pen. Just shoot me.
10) I don’t know if they really exist or not, but I heard a TV show talking about memory foam toilet seats. Do you think a toilet seat made from memory foam that shapes to your specific bottom sounds like a good idea? Man, do you work on this fucker. Where you find out this shit both amazes and scares me. No, I don’t need a toilet seat that remembers my ass, “Oh this must be Bud. Hi Bud let me shape for you. Safe to sit and shit Bud. And as always, thank you for using memory foam!” We are SO done. Peace.
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