Welcome again to Stealing which we bring you weekly on The WTIT Blog. We have gotten really good at just stealing a meme from someone else’s post. (You can play meme with Judd and the official Sunday Stealing meme.) Today we ripped this meme off a blogger known as Reyna Elena from the blog of Reyna Elena Dot Com. She states that she was tagged thanks to Moderately Confused Pinay. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time. So let’s go!
1. Tell us about something that made you laugh last night. A woman stopped by last night and said that my Uncle Fred thought we should meet. I said, he really hasn’t been doing that much lately. She asked why. I explained that he had passed away at my sister’s wedding a year ago. She said, “I didn’t say WHEN he said it.” “Good point,” I countered. “Why’d ya wait so long?” She explained that her husband hadn’d left her for his secretary yet. I told her that except for the showing up at my door unannounced on a Saturday night part, her life was a bit clichéd. She asked if I wanted to continue analyzing her or have sex.
2. What were you doing at 8 PM last night? Having sex with whats-her-name.
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? We took a break. I thought I’d get Stealing done.
|What the Match.com pic looked like.|
From September 2006: For the first time ever when meeting a lady from Match.com, I met one whom looked nothing like her picture. Well, that is not totally accurate, she looked like maybe a relative of the woman in the picture. Trust me this went beyond her picture with bright red hair and she was blonde. Now before I give the totally-not-politically-correct story, please hit “NEXT BLOG” if you are easily offended, and you do know who you are. This woman was the size of a mountain. She was so big we needed three stools at the bar. I can’t help myself, I was very nice to her and listened to the story of her rather large life.
|I saw her coming. I almost ran.|
The only saving grace here was that we lived in the same town. So as much as I enjoy my cab driver Hamied, within a an hour I asked her if she would mind dropping me off at my place. The big mistake I had made was meeting her at my favorite spot. Everyone knows me, so I thought (and yes I realize how shallow I am) leaving as soon as possible might be the way to go. When she dropped me off she told me I was her best Match.com date ever. She could feel the chemistry. Fortunately, before I had to respond to this statement she asked me a question. “Everyone I’ve met seem really disappointed, that is except you. Why would that be?” I mumbled something like, “You might want to update that pic…” I thanked her for the ride. My nightmare should be over, right?
Last night I stopped at the same bar. My friend Steve’s jazz band was playing. Art, another regular and usually a good guy walked by. He asked me where “Jumbo” was, did I drop her off at the circus? Now I am a good sport and I found him funny. Incredibly mean-spirited (as obviously I am by writing this story) but funny. I said, “Art, I met her on the computer.” Art asked, “Wasn’t there a picture? They do have a wide angled lens now.” I told him how the picture was a joke. A joke on me, but still a joke. Art said I should have heard all the jokes at my expense. After a little more clarification, Art seemed to understand. But then he asked, “Then why did you leave with her?” Now this was getting pretty stupid. “Art, first of all I am not sure I owe you an explanation. But so we can change the subject, I saved the expense of the cab.” Now I was sure this was over. Art asked, “Did you ride on her back, or does she have a Mac truck?” Sometimes, it is never over. Not over even when the Fat Lady sings.
6. How many beverages did you have today? Two diet cokes. The day is young, however.
9. Where were you last night? I was here when a strange woman knocked on the door. After sex we apparently went to a fucking Klingon restaurant. Keep up, will you? I mean, do I have to do all the heavy lifting here?
10. What color is your front door? Why ask me? I didn’t knock on it.
12. What’s the weather like today? Grey and 80. It will be 105 and muggy within an hour. You want your news and sports now?
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor? Gongerling.
14. What excites you? A great blowjob. Sometimes even a not-so-great one.
16. Are you over the age of 35? Yes. I seldom act it, however.
17. Do you talk a lot? Why you want to know what I made the woman who is now impatiently waiting for me for breakfast?
18. Do you watch Franklin and Bash? Yes. Funny you asked. Oh, right, I asked. See the meme was old and asked if you had see The OC yet. So I went with my fave new summer show. It’s a tad like Boston Legal without the cigars and Captain Kirk..
19. Do you know anyone named Steven? Everyone knows a Steven. Do you think it’s the same one?
21. Are you a jealous person? No. I go straight to disinterested.
22. What does the last text message you received say? “I’ll call on the way.” I hope she does. An unplanned threesome can be tricky.
23. Where’s the next place you’re going to? Still need me to tie this all together? Just re-read it. ‘kay?
24. Who’s the rudest person in your life? Outing her here might almost a good idea. I had a weird question from an old girlfriend on facebook recently. I said, “Whywould you ask me that?” She replies, “You said it in your blog.” I didn’t think anybody read this shit. She said she reads it in the nude. I decided not to go there. Never ask a question that you know the answer to.
25. Are you crushing on anyone that you shouldn’t be? No. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with.
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Enjoy your Sunday…
We will return.
Just a fair warning.
Peace, my friends.
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