1. You mention to your neighbor, with the body odor, that you are heading out to the mall in the morning. Neighbor asks to go with. What do you say? Since I would not go to the mall at gunpoint, I am not sure how to respond here. But, if that were to happen, I’d take them. And then I’d sell my fucking car. 2. You go up and down every aisle in the parking lot until you finally scope out that perfect place. You patiently pull over to the side and put your signal on to wait for the person pulls out. Someone snags your spot before you can pull in. What do you do? Since I go nowhere without my Sarah Palin automatic rifle, I’d slaughter the fucker. Truth? Life is too short to get worked up while driving.
3. You find that perfect sweater for grandpa and it’s the last one in that size. Some lady with three screaming kids approaches you and asks for the sweater for her husband who is deployed in Iraq. What do you do? I’d give her the sweater. I never met my mom’s dad and have but one memory of my dad’s father, I seldom buy either gifts. I don’t see dead people.
4. You found the perfect gift for your best friend and you notice that there are no less than 100 people in line in front of you. Unfortunately, you just drank 3 cups of coffee before you entered the store. What do you do? I don’t drink coffee. I don’t wait in lines. I’m not good at this am I?
5. You’re within 10 people of the checkout after waiting in line for 40 minutes and the person in front of you lets three people in line- he was just saving the spot. What do you do? Go get the Palin gun. Plus I wouldn’t wait in a line to buy something. This is why God created Amazon.
6. You get to the check out and your card is declined. What do you do? Use another other card? Like what other option is there besides leaving embarrassed?
7. Oops…you forgot to buy something for Aunt Edna. Do you regift the fruit cake George from next door gave you? I’d find a DVD I hadn’t opened. Besides my Aunt Edna is a hooker. She’s loaded.
8. Are you planning on doing most of your shopping in the stores or online this year? I haven’t shopped in stores since the 90s. This was a great meme, Harriet!
Hi! I'm Bud. I was in a group of friends that starting in high school, record comedy using the premise that we were a radio station that you could only hear in our studio. I was on-air in radio and nightclubs for years. I spent 20 years in radio & TV and retired after 15 years selling liquor. Something in which I believe. I'm a terminally single guy. Not that I didn't like marriage. I tried it. Lots. But I do enjoy this blog. We try to be funny.
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