This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Berleen, the color of your keyboard, and the number 4579.
1. Who is the craziest person in your family? My Uncle Fred fashioned himself as an inventor. He thought he really had a winner with his wearable gum ball machine. Try as he would, no one ever noticed him trying to sell his gum. Fortunately his wife, my Aunt Maxine, worked as a prostitute part time. So when she went off duty, Uncle Fred would wear her wig and g-string to walk around selling gum. Sales went WAY up, but I always had the feeling that people bought the gum to make him go away. Go figure.
2. If you could make turtle shells any color you wanted, what color would turtles be? If? Don’t ask me “if”. I can make colored turtle shells. Recently my fav is my orange turtles that I allow to spawn in the Idiotwood Forest of southern Peru.
3. How fast do hotcakes sell? If my Uncle Fred wore his outfit while selling them, I would imagine they’d sell extremely quickly.
4. Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol if they have eaten someone who was drunk? This actually happened in Orgasmic, Illinois in 1997. A very laid back religious couple named Shirley and Earl McEat, were cannibals and grabbed a dead drunk from a car wreck and barbequed him. Earl’s blood alcohol level was so high that when the couple drove to Dairy Queen for dessert, they were pulled over and Earl was arrested for DUI.
5. If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver’s license? Sorry, as tasteful as the question is, I am sorry that I am not familiar with the motor vehicle laws in Minnesota.
6. Where do people in Hell tell other people to go? Arizona. It’s hotter there.
7. Do you make stupid little baby noises when talking to your pets? Yet another meme that assumes that I will go buy a fucking pet just to answer a stupid question. As fate would have it, I only have my virtual dog Happy. As good looking as he is, he does not hear well. So, no baby noises or conversation with good ole Happy.
9. Did the voice tell you that the light is on in the room? You know, I think in hindsight that your kids’ questions are looking pretty good right now.
10. If you were to name an alcoholic drink, what would it be called? I’d say a Bud Weiser, but I hear it’s been taken. Damn thieving St. Louis people!
WTIT: The Blog is back tomorrow.
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