April | 2009 | WTIT: The Blog

All You Need is Love

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 30, 2009

Posted in: Dating Profiles. 22 Comments

Either you have used sites like Match.com or Yahoo Personals or you’ve read them. Weekly, WTIT: The Blog scours those on-line dating sites to respond either ladies’ profiles or often their headlines as most of us would really like to do. Please understand that we are not responding seriously or mean spiritedly. It is just the way we process the world. The spelling or grammar errors were in the original profiles. The profile statements are in bold.

I make myself laugh sometimes. Looking in the mirror, no doubt.

I ski badly but, I still go. Great! Let’s get married and get you mega life insurance! And then we’ll ski often.

Could you please show me your pic when responding. Can it be naked? Perhaps I better not. You’d never want another man.

I cannot change something I did without knowing what it is. “You should know without me saying!” God. My first wife said that. Really, how crazy is that? You’re pissed at me and I’ve got to guess why? She may be the fucking stupidest person I ever met. And trust me, no one has ever said that to me since.

I am looking for a best friend because I lost mine. So you’d like my help finding where you left him?

On our dream date, my match would be open to do what comes to mind, his or mine. Oh. We are gonna have fun because some great stuff comes to MY mind!

I don’t care for include, Rush Limbaugh, Nascar, fast food, intolerance, Steven Segal movies, Kenny G and a few Republicans. Opps. We almost matched. But I hate all Repubicans. Sorry.

Life is to short. So is your fucking profile. And the way you spell “too”, BTW.

I’m looking for a man who has patience, understanding and will wait for sex. BWAHAHAHAHA. Whoa, that’s a good one!

All you need is love. Wow. Did you think that up all on your own?

I am serious when needed. When the fuck would that be needed?

Sky is the limit, reach for the your star. Great idea! I’ll reach for Jill Hennessy.

I’m not looking to rush into anything, something slow and sweet to start. Do these women understand men in the least little bit? Geez.

This feature was inspired by Mimi Lenox’s

Dating Profile of the Day. Used with permission.

Happy May Day!

Thank you for dropping

by the WTIT Blog today.

Next time we might be excellent.

Check that, it also might not.

We will just strive for not sucking.

Join us for Crazy Sam’s Saturday 9.
Same time. Same blog.

All You Need is Love

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 30, 2009

Posted in: Dating Profiles. 26 Comments

Either you have used sites like Match.com or Yahoo Personals or you’ve read them. Weekly, WTIT: The Blog scours those on-line dating sites to respond either ladies’ profiles or often their headlines as most of us would really like to do. Please understand that we are not responding seriously or mean spiritedly. It is just the way we process the world. The spelling or grammar errors were in the original profiles. The profile statements are in bold.

I make myself laugh sometimes. Looking in the mirror, no doubt.

I ski badly but, I still go. Great! Let’s get married and get you mega life insurance! And then we’ll ski often.

Could you please show me your pic when responding. Can it be naked? Perhaps I better not. You’d never want another man.

I cannot change something I did without knowing what it is. “You should know without me saying!” God. My first wife said that. Really, how crazy is that? You’re pissed at me and I’ve got to guess why? She may be the fucking stupidest person I ever met. And trust me, no one has ever said that to me since.

I am looking for a best friend because I lost mine. So you’d like my help finding where you left him?

On our dream date, my match would be open to do what comes to mind, his or mine. Oh. We are gonna have fun because some great stuff comes to MY mind!

I don’t care for include, Rush Limbaugh, Nascar, fast food, intolerance, Steven Segal movies, Kenny G and a few Republicans. Opps. We almost matched. But I hate all Repubicans. Sorry.

Life is to short. So is your fucking profile. And the way you spell “too”, BTW.

I’m looking for a man who has patience, understanding and will wait for sex. BWAHAHAHAHA. Whoa, that’s a good one!

All you need is love. Wow. Did you think that up all on your own?

I am serious when needed. When the fuck would that be needed?

Sky is the limit, reach for the your star. Great idea! I’ll reach for Jill Hennessy.

I’m not looking to rush into anything, something slow and sweet to start. Do these women understand men in the least little bit? Geez.

This feature was inspired by Mimi Lenox’s

Dating Profile of the Day. Used with permission.

Happy May Day!

Thank you for dropping

by the WTIT Blog today.

Next time we might be excellent.

Check that, it also might not.

We will just strive for not sucking.

Join us for Crazy Sam’s Saturday 9.
Same time. Same blog.

That’s My Story & I’m Sticking to It

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 29, 2009

Posted in: Thursday Thunks. 38 Comments

On Thursday The WTIT Blog does a meme called Thursday Thunks written by Berleen and Kimber. We had tried to refrain from adding a third meme as a feature. This meme is simular to both Saturday 9 and Sunday Stealing. When they asked asked if we would participate the answer was “Why not?” How could we not try it? And we also enjoyed it. So we are back again! All the meme questions are in bold.

This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Berleen & Kimber via phone & Skype conference, the color mango and the number 70566.

Thursday Thunks: Door Colors, Sibs, Butterflies and So Much More

1. What color is your front door? It is rainbow. Not that it started that way, but I had trouble deciding. And then this acid flashback came on to me from some pill I took in 1986. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

2. We discussed our folks in previous TT so now tell me about your siblings. If you are an only child, tell me whether or not you wanted siblings, older, younger etc. I have a brother and a sister. They are both incredibly gifted and compassionate people.

My brother everyone calls Knot. Things went really well for him until the police found the bodies. Knot Weiser is now serving consecutive life sentences. My sister is actually named Munchkin, but everyone calls her Munch. She always had problems keeping a job. She finally found something that she’s good at. She is a hooker in Atlantic City. She is loved by all.

3. What color/type butterfly is your favorite? From Judd’s cockroach belly licking to Berleen’s lizard and snake bedfellows, we now experience a more charming creature. And one I know plenty about. My favorite butterfly is the the Genus Morpho. It is found only in the Neotropical Region and can be considered a “cult” species. They are highly prized for their metallic blue color which cannot truly be seen on a monitor. That is why I bought a fucking watch with one in it. The sad part is they are alive when you buy the watch. Not so much some fifteen minutes later.

4. Will you be celebrating Cinco De Mayo? Why are you having a party

? I’d love to come! Can I bring the French twins? They are great at parties. What time should we arrive? And are we headed to Arizona or Minnesota?

5. Oprah- love her, hate her, or don’t care? Shook her hand

once after seeing her show live. It was a gift for one of my exes. Neither my ex nor Oprah enjoyed me asking her if she had implants. She asked “Breast implants?” I said, “No, fat implants.” It went downhill from there.

6. Are you worried about the spread of swine flu? Only if it hits as far as Arizona. I’d hate to lose Kimber.

7. Hard or soft pillows? Hard or soft what? Oh. Never mind.

8. How many trees are in your neighbor’s yard? I live in a fucking complex. You are welcome to come by and give it your best guess. BTW, who the fuck is going out to count them? I am scared to read the answers to this fucker.

9. What was the color of the last car you saw? Red. The one I drove home. Did you guys think of a question, and then do two shots of Cuervo and then write the next?

10. When does your driver’s license expire? If I’m not counting fucking trees then you’ve got no fucking shot of me getting out my wallet.

11. Look at the clock on your computer and type the numbers backwards. I was wrong sorry. Triple shots, eh? 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Was it good for you?

12. When you put your pants on, what leg do you put in first? The middle one.

13. How would you respond to this letter if you were an advice columnist:

Dear Bud:

I am an ugly woman. I was an ugly baby and child even! It is a fact. I am 36 now and I have never had a boyfriend, and I am still a virgin.

Due to me not having men in my life, I have poured everything I have in to education and my career. At 36 I am the youngest (and first female CEO) at a big, successful, tech company. I have over 200 personal patents and millions of pounds in investments.

I have everything: huge house, holiday villa in Spain, 3 cars, power boat, a race horse, etc. but as much I try to talk myself into everything being “great” I cannot help but to miss that special someone to share it all with.
Most of my friends are married with kids and I feel like I am gradually drifting away from them also.

Where can I find someone to marry an ugly woman?

Dear Ugly,

Still a virgin? On that I can help. Go to a bar, any bar. Close the place. Find the drunkest guy and ask him if he would do you in your car. Millions of pounds? Ugly and British. That is a tough combo. Maybe your friends aren’t drifting away. They might be running away with their kids from fright. Oh. I would never encourage marriage on anyone. Hit the “next blog” button now.

That’s your Thursday edition of the

Blogosphere’s Most Dangerous Blog.
WTIT: The Blog will return with Dating Profiles.
Same time. Same blog.
It might be fun. Who knows?

And it will be May!

That’s My Story & I’m Sticking to It

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 29, 2009

Posted in: Thursday Thunks. 42 Comments

On Thursday The WTIT Blog does a meme called Thursday Thunks written by Berleen and Kimber. We had tried to refrain from adding a third meme as a feature. This meme is simular to both Saturday 9 and Sunday Stealing. When they asked asked if we would participate the answer was “Why not?” How could we not try it? And we also enjoyed it. So we are back again! All the meme questions are in bold.

This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you by Berleen & Kimber via phone & Skype conference, the color mango and the number 70566.

Thursday Thunks: Door Colors, Sibs, Butterflies and So Much More

1. What color is your front door? It is rainbow. Not that it started that way, but I had trouble deciding. And then this acid flashback came on to me from some pill I took in 1986. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

2. We discussed our folks in previous TT so now tell me about your siblings. If you are an only child, tell me whether or not you wanted siblings, older, younger etc. I have a brother and a sister. They are both incredibly gifted and compassionate people.

My brother everyone calls Knot. Things went really well for him until the police found the bodies. Knot Weiser is now serving consecutive life sentences. My sister is actually named Munchkin, but everyone calls her Munch. She always had problems keeping a job. She finally found something that she’s good at. She is a hooker in Atlantic City. She is loved by all.

3. What color/type butterfly is your favorite? From Judd’s cockroach belly licking to Berleen’s lizard and snake bedfellows, we now experience a more charming creature. And one I know plenty about. My favorite butterfly is the the Genus Morpho. It is found only in the Neotropical Region and can be considered a “cult” species. They are highly prized for their metallic blue color which cannot truly be seen on a monitor. That is why I bought a fucking watch with one in it. The sad part is they are alive when you buy the watch. Not so much some fifteen minutes later.

4. Will you be celebrating Cinco De Mayo? Why are you having a party

? I’d love to come! Can I bring the French twins? They are great at parties. What time should we arrive? And are we headed to Arizona or Minnesota?

5. Oprah- love her, hate her, or don’t care? Shook her hand

once after seeing her show live. It was a gift for one of my exes. Neither my ex nor Oprah enjoyed me asking her if she had implants. She asked “Breast implants?” I said, “No, fat implants.” It went downhill from there.

6. Are you worried about the spread of swine flu? Only if it hits as far as Arizona. I’d hate to lose Kimber.

7. Hard or soft pillows? Hard or soft what? Oh. Never mind.

8. How many trees are in your neighbor’s yard? I live in a fucking complex. You are welcome to come by and give it your best guess. BTW, who the fuck is going out to count them? I am scared to read the answers to this fucker.

9. What was the color of the last car you saw? Red. The one I drove home. Did you guys think of a question, and then do two shots of Cuervo and then write the next?

10. When does your driver’s license expire? If I’m not counting fucking trees then you’ve got no fucking shot of me getting out my wallet.

11. Look at the clock on your computer and type the numbers backwards. I was wrong sorry. Triple shots, eh? 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Was it good for you?

12. When you put your pants on, what leg do you put in first? The middle one.

13. How would you respond to this letter if you were an advice columnist:

Dear Bud:

I am an ugly woman. I was an ugly baby and child even! It is a fact. I am 36 now and I have never had a boyfriend, and I am still a virgin.

Due to me not having men in my life, I have poured everything I have in to education and my career. At 36 I am the youngest (and first female CEO) at a big, successful, tech company. I have over 200 personal patents and millions of pounds in investments.

I have everything: huge house, holiday villa in Spain, 3 cars, power boat, a race horse, etc. but as much I try to talk myself into everything being “great” I cannot help but to miss that special someone to share it all with.
Most of my friends are married with kids and I feel like I am gradually drifting away from them also.

Where can I find someone to marry an ugly woman?

Dear Ugly,

Still a virgin? On that I can help. Go to a bar, any bar. Close the place. Find the drunkest guy and ask him if he would do you in your car. Millions of pounds? Ugly and British. That is a tough combo. Maybe your friends aren’t drifting away. They might be running away with their kids from fright. Oh. I would never encourage marriage on anyone. Hit the “next blog” button now.

That’s your Thursday edition of the

Blogosphere’s Most Dangerous Blog.
WTIT: The Blog will return with Dating Profiles.
Same time. Same blog.
It might be fun. Who knows?

And it will be May!

Wake Me Up When He’s Famous

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 28, 2009

Posted in: Uncategorized. 10 Comments

Sometimes the best decisions you make in life are the things that you pass on, that you say “no” to doing. Other times, we just make a bad choice when should have said “YES!”. My freshman year in college I had a roommate that fancied himself a musician. He had a great sense of humor and was a good friend back then. In fact when I was suffering through my “blue” period (I was sick for almost two years.) I contacted the now middle-aged Renard Cohen. We chatted and caught up, but unlike most phone “reunions”, it was a bit strained. I was still glad I called and found out what went on with Renny.

The first time I mention Renard brought a reaction from another college friend that I have remained in touch with, Michael J. Michael recorded with WTIT a couple of times. Most notably was his participation on the 100th Tape of WTIT. When he read about Renny, he left me this comment:

“Whatever happened to him? I only remember a few things about him.1) He was a nice guy but the messiest person I had ever met. Your dorm room was quite memorable in that regard.2) He had a girlfriend who provided me with an indelible image and an expression I occasionally use to this day.

On point number two, I happened to be in your room when the girlfriend showed up to spend the weekend. As you and I talked, she matter-of-factly opened up a satchel and began pulling out a variety of birth control devices, slinky nightgowns, sex toys, and other apparatus whose purpose was unknown to me. She methodically proceeded to lay all the material out on Renny’s rumpled, stained bed. As she saw me standing there, mouth probably agape, she smiled and explained simply, “It’s my Instant-Action Hit Kit.” As I say, the concept of an “Instant-Action Hit Kit” has stayed with me for almost four decades, although I have used the term in quite different situations. Renny, I’m sure, would be proud.”

Besides the story Michael just shared, the funniest thing I also remember about Renny concern he and a friend named Frank who went to the Berkley School of Music. Frank, like Renny, was a great guy,

but unlike Renny just leaving the room a mess, Frank seldom bathed. He would visit with Renny and sit/lie on my bed and oh my god when I got back did it stink. I came home one afternoon and the two were busily writing music. “Whatcha doing?” I asked. “We decided we’d be the next Beatles. We know all their songs and since they just broke up, we will step right in. See, Bud, we will take off where The Beatles left off.” Oh. Simple enough. How does one respond to that? “I’ve seen all of Monet’s paintings, so now I’ll paint just like him. We will all be rich!”

Oh back to the beginning of this post, the part about “choices”. Renny woke me up on a Saturday morning and said I had to get up. I said “What the?” We had no classes on Saturdays and 8:30 AM was the middle of the night. Renny told me some musician was next door at our college radio station. “They swear he is going to be a superstar. They are only allowing a few of us to meet him and I got you on the list! Get up!” Renny ordered. I responded, “What’s his name?” Renny told me. I responded, “Wake me when he is famous,” and fell back to sleep. I had just passed up on spending the day with Elton John.

Who knew?

Elton, did wind up having a fairly good career without having met me. Maybe, I would have screwed up the whole thing. Nah, he would have been bigger! Maybe next time, Sir Elton? Your music will last forever.

We appreciate your

appearance here on a Hump Day.

Tomorrow we will do Thursday Thunks.

Parts of today’s post appeared

on August 21,2006.

Elton, sorry I missed you.

See you tomorrow! Peace.

Wake Me Up When He’s Famous

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 28, 2009

Posted in: Uncategorized. 9 Comments

Sometimes the best decisions you make in life are the things that you pass on, that you say “no” to doing. Other times, we just make a bad choice when should have said “YES!”. My freshman year in college I had a roommate that fancied himself a musician. He had a great sense of humor and was a good friend back then. In fact when I was suffering through my “blue” period (I was sick for almost two years.) I contacted the now middle-aged Renard Cohen. We chatted and caught up, but unlike most phone “reunions”, it was a bit strained. I was still glad I called and found out what went on with Renny.

The first time I mention Renard brought a reaction from another college friend that I have remained in touch with, Michael J. Michael recorded with WTIT a couple of times. Most notably was his participation on the 100th Tape of WTIT. When he read about Renny, he left me this comment:

“Whatever happened to him? I only remember a few things about him.1) He was a nice guy but the messiest person I had ever met. Your dorm room was quite memorable in that regard.2) He had a girlfriend who provided me with an indelible image and an expression I occasionally use to this day.

On point number two, I happened to be in your room when the girlfriend showed up to spend the weekend. As you and I talked, she matter-of-factly opened up a satchel and began pulling out a variety of birth control devices, slinky nightgowns, sex toys, and other apparatus whose purpose was unknown to me. She methodically proceeded to lay all the material out on Renny’s rumpled, stained bed. As she saw me standing there, mouth probably agape, she smiled and explained simply, “It’s my Instant-Action Hit Kit.” As I say, the concept of an “Instant-Action Hit Kit” has stayed with me for almost four decades, although I have used the term in quite different situations. Renny, I’m sure, would be proud.”

Besides the story Michael just shared, the funniest thing I also remember about Renny concern he and a friend named Frank who went to the Berkley School of Music. Frank, like Renny, was a great guy,

but unlike Renny just leaving the room a mess, Frank seldom bathed. He would visit with Renny and sit/lie on my bed and oh my god when I got back did it stink. I came home one afternoon and the two were busily writing music. “Whatcha doing?” I asked. “We decided we’d be the next Beatles. We know all their songs and since they just broke up, we will step right in. See, Bud, we will take off where The Beatles left off.” Oh. Simple enough. How does one respond to that? “I’ve seen all of Monet’s paintings, so now I’ll paint just like him. We will all be rich!”

Oh back to the beginning of this post, the part about “choices”. Renny woke me up on a Saturday morning and said I had to get up. I said “What the?” We had no classes on Saturdays and 8:30 AM was the middle of the night. Renny told me some musician was next door at our college radio station. “They swear he is going to be a superstar. They are only allowing a few of us to meet him and I got you on the list! Get up!” Renny ordered. I responded, “What’s his name?” Renny told me. I responded, “Wake me when he is famous,” and fell back to sleep. I had just passed up on spending the day with Elton John.

Who knew?

Elton, did wind up having a fairly good career without having met me. Maybe, I would have screwed up the whole thing. Nah, he would have been bigger! Maybe next time, Sir Elton? Your music will last forever.

We appreciate your

appearance here on a Hump Day.

Tomorrow we will do Thursday Thunks.

Parts of today’s post appeared

on August 21,2006.

Elton, sorry I missed you.

See you tomorrow! Peace.

Sexy, Scrappy and Yet a Fan

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on April 27, 2009

Posted in: awards. 18 Comments

It is always good to get an award or two. When we were running The Rising Blogger we realized how much thought and effort must go into an award. We’ve received three recently, but have not yet acknowledged the givers or said how much that we appreciate an award.

The first of the three came from Amber and her blog Mommy Mania. It’s The Sexy Blogger Award The award requires you to list 5 sexy things about yourself. As modest we usually try to be, we will give it a go.

1. I have bedroom blue eyes. Not that they are anything special, but I do use them in the bedroom. And they are blue.

2. I have a knack for creating the right mood. Candles and music are a must whether it be a quiet chat after a dinner out or hot and sweaty, in your face sex.

3. I have been told that my smile is sexy. I usually say, “Sexy?” I was trying for creepy. My bad.”

4. I mentioned recently that I love making love to a woman. Even my one night stands have returned.

5. There was one other thing, but I forget. Maybe it will come to me. If you

figure it out, let me know.

Lyn from A Blog in the Rough awarded us The Fan Award. She’s always upbeat and has a great sense of humor.

Dawn from Twisted Sister awarded us The Honest Scrap Award. It comes with a caveat. You have to tell your readers 10 things about you they may not know, but that are true.

1. Even though I know that WTIT is a Tape Radio Station that no one can hear, I do not believe it. I believe everyone listens and they are too shy to admit it.

2. I ride to work on a unicycle. I used to use a bike, but there was no real challenge to it. Ride a unicycle to work on a crisp New England January day, now that’s exciting.

3. I really don’t mind getting older. I started to learn shuffleboard when I turned 40 and by the time I am in a “home” I will be a true star. I’ll win saltines from my fellow inmates.

4. My retirement plan is to marry a rich widow. This is a we

ll thought out and truly brilliant plan. It is keeping Match.com in business.

5. All my clothes have my name stitched in them. It’s not so I can tell whose pants are on my date’s floor (although it helps on occasion), rather it’s because I often forget my name. I grabbed another guy’s pants once and got called “Fred” for a week.

6. I actually use a “ghost writer” for the WTIT Blog. I am actually in the Caribbean nursing sunburn right now. Ouch.

7. I am a “Beefatarian”. If it isn’t steak, I won’t touch it. My cardiologist wants me to write a book to promote this diet. She needs more patients so she can join me in the Caribbean.

8. I had a woman call me once, one month after just one single date. She said she needed “closure”. To beat that, when I meet a woman now at a bar, I ask for her phone number. Then I call and ask for closure from merely meeting her.

9. I once got my doctor to apologize for how long I waited in her waiting room. It involved getting naked and arrested, so I wouldn’t recommend it. It still was a nice twist.

10. My infatuation with Jill Hennessy is all about her character in the now defunct TV show Crossing Jordan. When she starred in Law & Order I hardly noticed her. With women, for me, it is all about personality and attitude. As Claire Kincaid in L&O she hadn’t any. As Jordan Cavanagh she was sassy. A co-star said her real personality was almost identical to Jordan, without the phobias.