Welcome to Harvey’s Got a Match. I’m Harvey Wallbanger. Each week, I select one lucky woman from the WTIT Dating Profiles of the Week post, and find her perfect match. My database is vast, my search engines are powerful, and my determination is unlimited.
No matter what a woman’s situation, no matter what her personality, there is someone out there to transform her life from single and happy to not single anymore. I brought these two together over a year ago using my one-point matching criteria–compatibility. It’s the only thing that matters, and these two are just one of more than one examples demonstrating my superior matchmaking skills.
This week, and every week, sit back, relax, and enjoy, cause Harvey’s Got a Match!
Being the first day of Harvey’s Got a Match, I thought it would be appropriate to have a Grand Opening Sale. This week, I have found ideal men for TWO women, and whereas you will ordinarily get to read about just one match for nothing, this week you get TWO for nothing.
My first matchmaking miracle was for Crystal, who writes:
“Live each day as if it was your last because you never know if tomorrow will come.”
My unquestionable choice for Crystal is Randolph.
“When tomorrow cometh, ye should live as if it hadenteth.”
“Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow someone may say of you, “He’s dead, Jim.”
“Tomorrow begins the year of the Rooster, let us be silent, and speak only truth.”
“A penny saved is a penny earned. You not save, you be solly tomolo.”
“Never put off until tomorrow what you can get off my ship today.”
“Live each moment in righteousness, for He is watching, even though you can’t see him because of the cloaking device.”
“If your neighbor slaps you today, turn the other cheek. Tomorrow, shoot his ass.”
“You never know if tomorrow will come. That is not logical.”
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him today. Teach a man to fish, and HE WILL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN. I can’t think about that now. I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
“Today I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I’m takin’ my dog, so it’ll be two to beam up.”
Our second winner is Beatrice, who writes:
“I’m crazy about Nascar, Harleys, football, drag racing, blues, country, oldies and Motown.”
For Beatrice, we have Melville.
Ahm lookin fer a gurl hoo kin shayr sum o mah fayvorit thins. Ah wud lahk a gurl hoo haz n apreesheeashun fer da fahner thins in lahf. F’rinsins, rayse carin ‘n futbal. Ah wud be ok if she had a hankrin’ to go along, but if she wanted t’do chores wahl ah wint, that maht be eeven bedder. Cuz it kin be espensiv fer too peepl. But ah gess if ah rilly lahkd her, ah cud pik up n xtra shift at d’Waffl howse.
Now ah don bileev in no bayerfut n pregnint filosifee. Cuz den yer feet er derty win y’cum t’bed.
So, in clowsin, ah wil jist say, ah want sumwun lahk doly pardin, hoo wil be a wun mayin wumin, n gimme sumthin t play wid win d tv aint werkin.

I had to read Melville’s words out loud to fully understand them; my dog looked at me like I was crazy.
“If your neighbor slaps you today, turn the other cheek. Tomorrow, shoot his ass.”
Hahahahaaa, that’s priceless advice.
Welcome to blogworld, Harvey. Glad you’re here to make it crazier.
Beatrice sounds like my kind of girl.
i’d love to meet her.
Very funny! Glad you could spread owt da lafturd wiff us all owt ere in blogland.
Welcome Harvey – look forward to getting to know you better…..
Welcome Harvey!
After reading Melville….
N mah head hurts!
Hello Harvey!! Nice to meet you!
Melville looks like my ex-husband…such a loser LOL.
Happy Halloween!
Good grief…This is plain scary as heck. Bwahahahahaha. Have a great Halloween and weekend Bud. 🙂
Great to meet you Harvey, Matchmaker Extraordinarre.
Maybe you can find a girl for Goober next? So him & Melville can double-date.
TWO Star Trek references from Randolph??????
TWO?
No way is any girl going out with him with TWO references….sheesh
Nice start there Banger…I am a friend of Bud’s so I figure I can call ya Banger…ya know…like we are buds too! .. Not bud…but buds…ya know like friends…buddies…get it?
TWO Star Trek references from Randolph??????
TWO?
No way is any girl going out with him with TWO references….sheesh
Nice start there Banger…I am a friend of Bud’s so I figure I can call ya Banger…ya know…like we are buds too! .. Not bud…but buds…ya know like friends…buddies…get it?
There is someone for everyone. Lord have mercy.
😉
Lizza
Thanks for the welcome. I have new screaming neighbors from India and I’m trying to get one of them to slap me so I can take my own advice.
Crushed
Route 5 through podunk. Third dirt road on the left.
Y’all come back now, hear?
Ruff
Ah bleev yoo aint spelin yer naym raht. But thaynks fer d note
TT&T
Thanks. I'm looking forward to getting to know me better, too. So far I feel a little like Randolph.
Thanks, Dawn
I’ll put out a disclaimer about the headaches.
Hey Shannon
Nice to meet you, too. So you were in the Hick Hubby Club, were you?
Happy Halloween back!
Sandee
Skyuwz d feer. Ahl ad it ta d disklaymer.
Jodi
Good to meet you, too. I can just imagine that double date. Can you say Hee Haw?
Bond
Banger? I hardly know her. Nice touch with the double posts about the two references. Was that on purpose?
Bond
Banger? I hardly know her. Nice touch with the double posts about the two references. Was that on purpose?
Kwiz
I believe there is. Thanks for stopping by.
Nice stuff Harvey! 🙂
Melville should have taken his life savings of $100 and bought a Dolly Partin blow-up doll for company before the sophisticated girl ran off with his money. It would have saved him some trouble and filled his nights with “sumthin to t play wid” too!
Now he’ll have to spend his life at the Waffle house with the rest of the flat pancakes of the world.
What was he thinking??!
Kimber
Tell Bud. Maybe he’ll give me a raise. No, never mind. He’ll say, “How does 50% sound.” And that would be nothing.
Thanks for checking out the post. And thanks for the note.
Mimi
I think you should take up backwoods financial planning. Y’all got a knack for it. I’m not sure the blow-up doll would work for Melville, though. He doesn’t want sophisticated, but according to him, “Ah stil lahk em ejukated.”
I am with Bond, ya had me with the two Trekkie references. I go on record as being a Trek Girl not a Wars Girl.
All was good until the WaHo line. Then I shed bitter Yankee tears due to my lack of chicken and eggs =(
Nice matchmakin ;0
Starrlight Starrbright
I’d help you out with the chicken and eggs, but with the delivery, I’m sure which comes first.
Gee…I am not sure if that was on purpose or not
Gee…I am not sure if that was on purpose or not