Cheers to all us THIEVES!!
1. My uncle once
had sex with my aunt. They had only one kid. So I think I’ve got a handle on this one.
2. Never in my life have I not collected my $200. Fuck that “do not pass ‘GO’” shit!
3. When I was five my parents decided I was on my own. Fortunately a time traveler felt sorry for me and took me under his wing. I knew him only by his native name of “Nok Nok”. So then someone always says, “Who’s there?”
4. High school was
when WTIT was bor
n. Galloping Gary, Bouncing Billy and I started Tape Radio and within a year we had nearly a dozen WTIT DJs. I was 15 on my first recording.
5. I will never forget to never kiss and tell. Unless it was that incredibly hot, sweaty, nasty sex that is so awesome that you will remember it the rest of your life.
6. Once I met
Bonnie Raitt. I kissed her. My wife of that time got pissed. I told her she’d get over it. You know I never asked if she did. But since that was 24 years ago, fuck it.
7. There’s this boy I know named Jack who went up the hill. At the top he met a girl named Jill. Jill fell down as she fumbled for his belt buckle. Ooops. I got lost in a moment. My bad.
8. Once, at a bar,
I ordered Ketel One.
e knows that I am the poster boy for Connecticut’s own Smirnoff
. However, we now sell the world’s tastiest imported vodka. Oh, and neither one paid a dime for these free ads.
9. By noon, I’m awake. Most days, anyway.
10. Last night I went to a sports bar to watch the Yanks. No, I am not delusional. You still can root for your team and let’s face it. It was a hell of a run.
11. If only I had
a brain. Or a heart. Or courage. Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore.
12. Next time I go to church
it would be a wedding or a fun
eral. That is a lock.
13. What worries me most is that I trusted that Prince from Nigeria who promised to share his fortune with me after a little seed money. Who coulda seen that coming?
14. When I turn my head left I see the 1999 UConn National Champs photo.
15. When I turn my head right I see naked pictures of your mom. God, this can’t be good. Wanna see them?
16. You know I’m lying when I
talk about the French twins. I have said their names are Bridget and Monique. Their names are really Michelle and Mabelle. Mabelle was named after an American phone company of the last century.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is naked pictures of your grandmother. Talk about ho, ho, ho.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be
the one who says, “and…I…die…”
19. By this time next year I will own a blog one year older.
20. A better name for me would be Mike Hunt. Not that this is at all funny twenty years later, but it is the 34th anniversary of WTIT’s first Mike Hunt joke.
21. I have a hard time understanding John McCain. He spends weeks attacking Obama’s experience and then he picks a person who was mayor of a 6,000 person town some two weeks ago. Could he be an opportunist? Perish that thought.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll die.
23. You know I like you if I
wake up and you are the woman that I am next to. Do be a dear and tell me your fucking name.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be your naked mama.
25. Take my advice, never eat the brown snow either.