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All posts for the month July, 2008

Burning Down the House

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 31, 2008
Posted in: Dating Profiles. 8 Comments

Either you have used sites like Match.com or Yahoo Personals or you’ve read them. Weekly, The WTIT Blog scours those on-line dating sites. We respond to either a line in a lady’s profile or her headline on her dating site, as most of us would really like to do. Please understand that we are not responding seriously or mean spiritedly. This a comedy feature. The spelling or grammar errors were in the original profiles. The profile statements are in bold. Let the stupidity begin!!

Ghosts intrigue me as does exploring abandoned places. Like your brain, for instance?
Are there any “Good” guys left out there?? Yes. Sober? I’ll check and get back to you.
I am not looking for casual sex. Neither am I. I take my sex VERY seriously. So how about right when we meet?

I thought I would try something new. Great! First, bend over and grab your ankles…
I am an outgoing expressive divorced mom. How the fuck do you get expressively divorced?

 

I need someone who enjoys training for a marathon. I bet your email box is full. Holy shit!
I’m turned off by profiles containing a litany of negative female characteristics men want to avoid. I would NEVER do that as long as you are not a bitter, baggage ridden, money grubbing, cheating, fat whore. Everything else is fine.
I am told that I am sweet. I’d have to taste you to have an opinion.
I would like to be friends first and… And I think I’m gonna hurl, But good luck with that…

 

I feel I have a lot to offer the right person. For the wrong person I would tear your heart out and eat it for pleasure.

Don’t touch that button… I could be the one you’re looking for? Which one of your buttons should I leave alone?

I am very book smart. Which translates that I got great grades but would not leave the house if it were on fire…
I am new to this on-line dating scene…so here goes nothing… That is a very accurate analysis. Say not another word…

 

This feature was inspired by Mimi Lenox’s Dating Profile of the Day. Used with permission.
WTIT Tape Radio: The Blog
would like you come around again.
But first check your with your mom.
Return tomorrow for Crazy Sam
and her Saturday 9.
If you find the time to join us!
Same time. Same blog.

Burning Down the House

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 31, 2008
Posted in: Dating Profiles. 8 Comments

Either you have used sites like Match.com or Yahoo Personals or you’ve read them. Weekly, The WTIT Blog scours those on-line dating sites. We respond to either a line in a lady’s profile or her headline on her dating site, as most of us would really like to do. Please understand that we are not responding seriously or mean spiritedly. This a comedy feature. The spelling or grammar errors were in the original profiles. The profile statements are in bold. Let the stupidity begin!!

Ghosts intrigue me as does exploring abandoned places. Like your brain, for instance?
Are there any “Good” guys left out there?? Yes. Sober? I’ll check and get back to you.
I am not looking for casual sex. Neither am I. I take my sex VERY seriously. So how about right when we meet?

I thought I would try something new. Great! First, bend over and grab your ankles…
I am an outgoing expressive divorced mom. How the fuck do you get expressively divorced?

I need someone who enjoys training for a marathon. I bet your email box is full. Holy shit!
I’m turned off by profiles containing a litany of negative female characteristics men want to avoid. I would NEVER do that as long as you are not a bitter, baggage ridden, money grubbing, cheating, fat whore. Everything else is fine.
I am told that I am sweet. I’d have to taste you to have an opinion.
I would like to be friends first and… And I think I’m gonna hurl, But good luck with that…

I feel I have a lot to offer the right person. For the wrong person I would tear your heart out and eat it for pleasure.
Don’t touch that button… I could be the one you’re looking for? Which one of your buttons should I leave alone?

I am very book smart. Which translates that I got great grades but would not leave the house if it were on fire…
I am new to this on-line dating scene…so here goes nothing… That is a very accurate analysis. Say not another word…

This feature was inspired by Mimi Lenox’s Dating Profile of the Day. Used with permission.
WTIT Tape Radio: The Blog
would like you come around again.
But first check your with your mom.
Return tomorrow for Crazy Sam
and her Saturday 9.
If you find the time to join us!
Same time. Same blog.

You Want Freedom With That?

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 31, 2008
Posted in: celebrity interview. 13 Comments


Brenda Crossmouth is the head of the Connecticut Loves John McCain 2008 committee. She desired a forum and an interview on WTIT Tape Radio. After we explained to her that no one can hear WTIT unless you are in our studio, she asked how many people that was. We said four. We lied about three of them. She reluctantly asked if she could be interviewed on our WTIT Blog instead. Our head of all things political, Bud Weiser, was chosen for the task.

Bud: Welcome, Ms. Crossmouth. You love John McCain. Why?
Brenda: He’s not that moron Obama.
Bud: You think Obama is a moron?
Brenda: Actually thought he was a brilliant speaker when I first heard him. Great ideas. Full of enthusiasm.
Bud: What changed?
Brenda: (whispers) He’s black, ya know.
Bud: You needn’t whisper. Obama knows he’s black.
Brenda: Then all these black people are saying, “It’s our turn now, whitey.” I mean WE have to be SO careful when talking to them, but do they care how they talk to us? NNNOOO! I mean I know they were born here so technically blacks are Americans…
Bud: Technically?
Brenda: Well, they aren’t native. They came here.
Bud: Brenda, everybody but Native Americans “came here”. And don’t you remember that itsy bitsy fact that they did not choose to come here. They were brought here as slaves.
Brenda: Nobody asked me about it. I would have stood up and said, “We need white slaves.”
Bud: Back to Obama. You called him a moron. Why?
Brenda: He’s running for President in Germany for chrissakes. They don’t vote. (whispers) Do they?
Bud: Well yes, but not for the American president. And I do admit, I have idea why a quarter of a million Germans came to see him speak either.
Brenda: And would he put his hand over his heart for the pledge allegiance to the flag?
Bud: That’s not a law,
Brenda: And how long did it take the mother to wear a flag pin? There oughta be a law.
Bud: About everyone wearing flag pins?
Brenda: No for people running for president to wear them. Especially for Muslims.
Bud: Obama isn’t a Muslim.
Brenda: That’s what they want you to believe. But I’ve seen pictures…
Bud: You mean that political cartoon in the New Yorker magazine? It was suppose to be a joke.
Brenda: It wasn’t funny.
Bud: No, you are right there. It was racist and disgusting.
Brenda: And I betcha he’s in tight with terrorists.
Bud: I think that’s a stretch. Anyway, have you nothing to say about John McCain.
Brenda: He is NOT Obama.
Bud: I know. He’s Bush, but older. A lot older. Do you like Bush?
Brenda: Worst President ever.
Bud: So what policies do you think McCain would adopt of Bush’s?
Brenda: Probably all of them.
Bud: And you want to support McCain why?
Brenda: He’s not Obama.
Bud: If I know my Obamas, I think he is the only one. So no other reason?
Brenda: (whispers) He is white. He won’t bring all of those militant Negroes in with him.
Bud: So you are afraid of African Americans?
Brenda: (laughing) Well, duh. All whites should be.
Bud: Even Obama’s mother?
Brenda: She is white? She doesn’t look white on that magazine cover.
Bud: Brenda, stay with me here. That’s a cartoon of his wife. She’s black. His dad is black and his mother is white.
Brenda: God, he looks all black!
Bud: Who should he look like?
Brenda: Derek Jeter. You know he’s white.
Bud: His mother is white and his dad is black.
Brenda: No shit?
Bud: No shit.
Brenda: Then I’d vote for McCain to be Captain of the Yankees, too. Thanks for pointing that out. Bud: You think there’s no shot that an Obama administration would shed a new light on our standing in the world?
Brenda: Oh, sure it would help. But we’d lose “freedom fries”.
Bud: No one still calls them that. I don’t think anyone ever did.
Brenda: Well, we should. Then at McDonald’s they would make more money.
Bud: How’s that?
Brenda: Well, silly, if you’re asked, “Do you want freedom with that” who’d say no?
Bud: Who’d say yes? I think you’d say, “huh?”
Brenda: Well, maybe. It was a thought.
Bud: You do much of that, do you?
Brenda: What, you mean “think”? You son of a bitch!
Bud: We spent an awful amount of valuable blog space for you to tell us to vote for McCain cause he is white.
Brenda: And more experienced…

Bud: What is he, like 90? Of course he is more experienced. I gotta get a Smirnoff. Brenda go back to whatever it is that you do. I’m Bud Weiser and that is the way it isn’t on today, Thursday July 31, 2008.

So that is that for WTIT: The Blog
on a Thursday. We will return to this
very spot in the blogosphere
with something perhaps in better taste. Or not.
There really is no telling. We were told again
today that this blog is an “aquired taste”.
We now say“Aquire this!” So, you go
do the aquire thing, and we
will come up with another post. Right here.
Same time. Same blog.

You Want Freedom With That?

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 30, 2008
Posted in: celebrity interview. 15 Comments


Brenda Crossmouth is the head of the Connecticut Loves John McCain 2008 committee. She desired a forum and an interview on WTIT Tape Radio. After we explained to her that no one can hear WTIT unless you are in our studio, she asked how many people that was. We said four. We lied about three of them. She reluctantly asked if she could be interviewed on our WTIT Blog instead. Our head of all things political, Bud Weiser, was chosen for the task.

Bud: Welcome, Ms. Crossmouth. You love John McCain. Why?
Brenda: He’s not that moron Obama.
Bud: You think Obama is a moron?
Brenda: Actually thought he was a brilliant speaker when I first heard him. Great ideas. Full of enthusiasm.
Bud: What changed?
Brenda: (whispers) He’s black, ya know.
Bud: You needn’t whisper. Obama knows he’s black.
Brenda: Then all these black people are saying, “It’s our turn now, whitey.” I mean WE have to be SO careful when talking to them, but do they care how they talk to us? NNNOOO! I mean I know they were born here so technically blacks are Americans…
Bud: Technically?
Brenda: Well, they aren’t native. They came here.
Bud: Brenda, everybody but Native Americans “came here”. And don’t you remember that itsy bitsy fact that they did not choose to come here. They were brought here as slaves.
Brenda: Nobody asked me about it. I would have stood up and said, “We need white slaves.”
Bud: Back to Obama. You called him a moron. Why?
Brenda: He’s running for President in Germany for chrissakes. They don’t vote. (whispers) Do they?
Bud: Well yes, but not for the American president. And I do admit, I have idea why a quarter of a million Germans came to see him speak either.
Brenda: And would he put his hand over his heart for the pledge allegiance to the flag?
Bud: That’s not a law,
Brenda: And how long did it take the mother to wear a flag pin? There oughta be a law.
Bud: About everyone wearing flag pins?
Brenda: No for people running for president to wear them. Especially for Muslims.
Bud: Obama isn’t a Muslim.
Brenda: That’s what they want you to believe. But I’ve seen pictures…
Bud: You mean that political cartoon in the New Yorker magazine? It was suppose to be a joke.
Brenda: It wasn’t funny.
Bud: No, you are right there. It was racist and disgusting.
Brenda: And I betcha he’s in tight with terrorists.
Bud: I think that’s a stretch. Anyway, have you nothing to say about John McCain.
Brenda: He is NOT Obama.
Bud: I know. He’s Bush, but older. A lot older. Do you like Bush?
Brenda: Worst President ever.
Bud: So what policies do you think McCain would adopt of Bush’s?
Brenda: Probably all of them.
Bud: And you want to support McCain why?
Brenda: He’s not Obama.
Bud: If I know my Obamas, I think he is the only one. So no other reason?
Brenda: (whispers) He is white. He won’t bring all of those militant Negroes in with him.
Bud: So you are afraid of African Americans?
Brenda: (laughing) Well, duh. All whites should be.
Bud: Even Obama’s mother?
Brenda: She is white? She doesn’t look white on that magazine cover.
Bud: Brenda, stay with me here. That’s a cartoon of his wife. She’s black. His dad is black and his mother is white.
Brenda: God, he looks all black!
Bud: Who should he look like?
Brenda: Derek Jeter. You know he’s white.
Bud: His mother is white and his dad is black.
Brenda: No shit?
Bud: No shit.
Brenda: Then I’d vote for McCain to be Captain of the Yankees, too. Thanks for pointing that out. Bud: You think there’s no shot that an Obama administration would shed a new light on our standing in the world?
Brenda: Oh, sure it would help. But we’d lose “freedom fries”.
Bud: No one still calls them that. I don’t think anyone ever did.
Brenda: Well, we should. Then at McDonald’s they would make more money.
Bud: How’s that?
Brenda: Well, silly, if you’re asked, “Do you want freedom with that” who’d say no?
Bud: Who’d say yes? I think you’d say, “huh?”
Brenda: Well, maybe. It was a thought.
Bud: You do much of that, do you?
Brenda: What, you mean “think”? You son of a bitch!
Bud: We spent an awful amount of valuable blog space for you to tell us to vote for McCain cause he is white.
Brenda: And more experienced…

Bud: What is he, like 90? Of course he is more experienced. I gotta get a Smirnoff. Brenda go back to whatever it is that you do. I’m Bud Weiser and that is the way it isn’t on today, Thursday July 31, 2008.

So that is that for WTIT: The Blog
on a Thursday. We will return to this
very spot in the blogosphere
with something perhaps in better taste. Or not.
There really is no telling. We were told again
today that this blog is an “aquired taste”.
We now say“Aquire this!” So, you go
do the aquire thing, and we
will come up with another post. Right here.
Same time. Same blog.

You Want Freedom With That?

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 30, 2008
Posted in: celebrity interview. 13 Comments


Brenda Crossmouth is the head of the Connecticut Loves John McCain 2008 committee. She desired a forum and an interview on WTIT Tape Radio. After we explained to her that no one can hear WTIT unless you are in our studio, she asked how many people that was. We said four. We lied about three of them. She reluctantly asked if she could be interviewed on our WTIT Blog instead. Our head of all things political, Bud Weiser, was chosen for the task.

Bud: Welcome, Ms. Crossmouth. You love John McCain. Why?
Brenda: He’s not that moron Obama.
Bud: You think Obama is a moron?
Brenda: Actually thought he was a brilliant speaker when I first heard him. Great ideas. Full of enthusiasm.
Bud: What changed?
Brenda: (whispers) He’s black, ya know.
Bud: You needn’t whisper. Obama knows he’s black.
Brenda: Then all these black people are saying, “It’s our turn now, whitey.” I mean WE have to be SO careful when talking to them, but do they care how they talk to us? NNNOOO! I mean I know they were born here so technically blacks are Americans…
Bud: Technically?
Brenda: Well, they aren’t native. They came here.
Bud: Brenda, everybody but Native Americans “came here”. And don’t you remember that itsy bitsy fact that they did not choose to come here. They were brought here as slaves.
Brenda: Nobody asked me about it. I would have stood up and said, “We need white slaves.”
Bud: Back to Obama. You called him a moron. Why?
Brenda: He’s running for President in Germany for chrissakes. They don’t vote. (whispers) Do they?
Bud: Well yes, but not for the American president. And I do admit, I have idea why a quarter of a million Germans came to see him speak either.
Brenda: And would he put his hand over his heart for the pledge allegiance to the flag?
Bud: That’s not a law,
Brenda: And how long did it take the mother to wear a flag pin? There oughta be a law.
Bud: About everyone wearing flag pins?
Brenda: No for people running for president to wear them. Especially for Muslims.
Bud: Obama isn’t a Muslim.
Brenda: That’s what they want you to believe. But I’ve seen pictures…
Bud: You mean that political cartoon in the New Yorker magazine? It was suppose to be a joke.
Brenda: It wasn’t funny.
Bud: No, you are right there. It was racist and disgusting.
Brenda: And I betcha he’s in tight with terrorists.
Bud: I think that’s a stretch. Anyway, have you nothing to say about John McCain.
Brenda: He is NOT Obama.
Bud: I know. He’s Bush, but older. A lot older. Do you like Bush?
Brenda: Worst President ever.
Bud: So what policies do you think McCain would adopt of Bush’s?
Brenda: Probably all of them.
Bud: And you want to support McCain why?
Brenda: He’s not Obama.
Bud: If I know my Obamas, I think he is the only one. So no other reason?
Brenda: (whispers) He is white. He won’t bring all of those militant Negroes in with him.
Bud: So you are afraid of African Americans?
Brenda: (laughing) Well, duh. All whites should be.
Bud: Even Obama’s mother?
Brenda: She is white? She doesn’t look white on that magazine cover.
Bud: Brenda, stay with me here. That’s a cartoon of his wife. She’s black. His dad is black and his mother is white.
Brenda: God, he looks all black!
Bud: Who should he look like?
Brenda: Derek Jeter. You know he’s white.
Bud: His mother is white and his dad is black.
Brenda: No shit?
Bud: No shit.
Brenda: Then I’d vote for McCain to be Captain of the Yankees, too. Thanks for pointing that out. Bud: You think there’s no shot that an Obama administration would shed a new light on our standing in the world?
Brenda: Oh, sure it would help. But we’d lose “freedom fries”.
Bud: No one still calls them that. I don’t think anyone ever did.
Brenda: Well, we should. Then at McDonald’s they would make more money.
Bud: How’s that?
Brenda: Well, silly, if you’re asked, “Do you want freedom with that” who’d say no?
Bud: Who’d say yes? I think you’d say, “huh?”
Brenda: Well, maybe. It was a thought.
Bud: You do much of that, do you?
Brenda: What, you mean “think”? You son of a bitch!
Bud: We spent an awful amount of valuable blog space for you to tell us to vote for McCain cause he is white.
Brenda: And more experienced…

Bud: What is he, like 90? Of course he is more experienced. I gotta get a Smirnoff. Brenda go back to whatever it is that you do. I’m Bud Weiser and that is the way it isn’t on today, Thursday July 31, 2008.

So that is that for WTIT: The Blog
on a Thursday. We will return to this
very spot in the blogosphere
with something perhaps in better taste. Or not.
There really is no telling. We were told again
today that this blog is an “aquired taste”.
We now say“Aquire this!” So, you go
do the aquire thing, and we
will come up with another post. Right here.
Same time. Same blog.

It Will Be a Tasteful Funeral

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 30, 2008
Posted in: work story. 13 Comments
When I am not the grand wizard of WTIT, I sell liquor. An honorable job. One of the things a liquor salesperson does is introduce new products. We also introduced “new packages” and such. Today I found out it was my turn to show customers the relatively new Johnnie Walker Blue 1.75ML bottle that comes in a leather case. The sucker looked big and heavy. I received it towards the end of my day, so I brought it with me to my last sales call of the day. Now I have had about seven back operations so I am always careful carrying things. This bottle in the leather case wasn’t really as heavy as I thought; it was just slightly awkward to carry. (Only awkward because it was not until after my sales call I discover the box had a handle.)

Perhaps you are wondering, why in the world would a bottle of liquor come in a leather case? It would be a good question. The answer is that this bottle retails for over $450. While I was showing it to my customer I pondered (to myself) that if someone regularly drank Blue, besides the product being expensive, that “someone” would own a lot of leather cases. The reality, of course, is that Johnnie Walker Blue is one of the finest scotches in the world and you would save it for just important occasions. “Ground Hog’s Day” or my birthday come to mind.

At this particular store I seldom see the buyer alone. Our sales person who specializes in wine was there along with a salesperson from another company that sells wine. I am showing the case and bottle to my customer and I asked what he might think one would use the leather case for after the bottle was “finished”. Before he could answer, the wine salespersons chimes in, “Bud, it looks just like a coffin.” Great. Here I am trying to sell a bottle of liquor that costs almost double that of an entire case of Johnnie Walker Black, and now it is a “coffin”. I don’t think Diageo (who supplies wholesalers) thought “coffin” when they sent me out with the product.

The buyer thought it would be great for burying his cat in when it died. Now, I feel as though I am the one who is dying, but fortunately, it is not big enough for me. All’s well that ends well. He bought a bottle. I just really hope his cat is very healthy.

That is the truth for your
Hump Day on the WTIT Blog.
FYI, The picture above is not
with the leather case.
This picture is just of the normal
bottle and cardboard case.
The leather case is actually very
impressive and not at all coffin-like.
Parts of this post appeared on July 25, 2006.
Th-th-th-th-That’s all folks. You can hit “next blog” now.

It Will Be a Tasteful Funeral

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on July 29, 2008
Posted in: work story. 14 Comments
When I am not the grand wizard of WTIT, I sell liquor. An honorable job. One of the things a liquor salesperson does is introduce new products. We also introduced “new packages” and such. Today I found out it was my turn to show customers the relatively new Johnnie Walker Blue 1.75ML bottle that comes in a leather case. The sucker looked big and heavy. I received it towards the end of my day, so I brought it with me to my last sales call of the day. Now I have had about seven back operations so I am always careful carrying things. This bottle in the leather case wasn’t really as heavy as I thought; it was just slightly awkward to carry. (Only awkward because it was not until after my sales call I discover the box had a handle.)

Perhaps you are wondering, why in the world would a bottle of liquor come in a leather case? It would be a good question. The answer is that this bottle retails for over $450. While I was showing it to my customer I pondered (to myself) that if someone regularly drank Blue, besides the product being expensive, that “someone” would own a lot of leather cases. The reality, of course, is that Johnnie Walker Blue is one of the finest scotches in the world and you would save it for just important occasions. “Ground Hog’s Day” or my birthday come to mind.

At this particular store I seldom see the buyer alone. Our sales person who specializes in wine was there along with a salesperson from another company that sells wine. I am showing the case and bottle to my customer and I asked what he might think one would use the leather case for after the bottle was “finished”. Before he could answer, the wine salespersons chimes in, “Bud, it looks just like a coffin.” Great. Here I am trying to sell a bottle of liquor that costs almost double that of an entire case of Johnnie Walker Black, and now it is a “coffin”. I don’t think Diageo (who supplies wholesalers) thought “coffin” when they sent me out with the product.

The buyer thought it would be great for burying his cat in when it died. Now, I feel as though I am the one who is dying, but fortunately, it is not big enough for me. All’s well that ends well. He bought a bottle. I just really hope his cat is very healthy.

That is the truth for your
Hump Day on the WTIT Blog.
FYI, The picture above is not
with the leather case.
This picture is just of the normal
bottle and cardboard case.
The leather case is actually very
impressive and not at all coffin-like.
Parts of this post appeared on July 25, 2006.
Th-th-th-th-That’s all folks. You can hit “next blog” now.