She Gives "Rewards A-Plenty"

Every Saturday WTIT: The Blog brings you a meme called Saturday 9. It’s not to say that this is a bright idea, but it is what we do. A woman named Crazy Sam started this meme because our prior meme (and great buddy) Lola went into hibernation. Lola still occasionally posts, but it is about once every six weeks. So Sam contacted all Lola’s participants and invited us to participate in her meme. We are not sure why she included us, but she did. And we are glad she did. All of Sam’s questions and writing are in bold.

Saturday 9: I Had an Accident

1. Have you ever been in a serious accident? If not, how about any accident? Yes, I am generally serious about an accident. The first dozen or so were laugh-a-minute riots. But now I’ve got that serious, “I am going to sue your ass off” grimace down pat.

2. Have you ever been ticketed for an accident and if so did you pay it or fight it? The last time, I got rear ended by a smiley attractive twenty-something. She told me that if I told the cop to ticket me that she would personally reward me a-plenty. This wasn’t a bright approach to a guy like me. I said, “You take the ticket and I will reward you “a-plenty”. She said, “Deal!” She got the ticket and then we played “hide the salami”. As I was leaving she said, “Maybe next time you’ll take the ticket?” I countered, “And not owe you a-plenty? What we are doing now is working. Why fuck around with it?”

3. What kind of insurance do you have and would you recommend it to your friends? For my car, believe it or not, I have automobile insurance. I only recommend it to people who also happen to drive a car.

4. Did the accident cause you to change the way you drive? Yes. I now only drive in reverse. Everyone gets out of my way. They yell things like, “Wow. This dude’s one crazy mother fucker,” and then they stay out of my way.

5. Did you need a rental car? If so, did you get a better car or worse one than you had? If not, what did you do for transportation? The lady at the car rental place told me if I took a cheaper car that she’d “reward me a-plenty.” I explained that while I appreciated the offer that I had been “rewarded a-plenty all night.” She gave me the ’Benz. When I returned I said we could do the rewarding a-plenty thing that night. She smiled. She said she had rented four 1972 VW beetles. So she had a lot of rewarding to do already that night. She offered me either the waiting list in case of a cancellation, or a first thing in the morning “reward a-plenty.” Other than a dude pounding on the hotel room door and yelling something about the time of HIS “a-plenty reward”. I asked if I should leave, she stated, “Stay. Fuck him.” I passed on that. I did so not want to “fuck him.”

6. Have any of the mishaps you’ve experienced with your vehicles given you impressions of the quality or safety of certain vehicles? Of course. I discovered that to my surprise, I found cars that got me into serious accidents sucked more that the ones that didn’t. I told my agent that. She said that I was very “deep”. She asked me out for a real date, I said “no”. I replied that if she could fit me in for another reward “a-plenty, great”. If not, I was heading home to my neighbor’s wife.

7. Have you had to hire an attorney due to an accident? Yes. I retained Goldberg, Goldstein, Goldberg and Mohamed. Now that was a “laugh a minute” legal partnership.

8. When in an accident were you alone, with someone, with your children, etc. Did that make a difference in the situation? As in, would I be a more bit concerned if my kids were in the accident with me? I thought that was the question. All-in-all, I prefer solo fender benders and this new “reward a-plenty” thing. Worrying about my injured children? Crazy as it seems I am afraid that would be a situation that I am not sure I’d cherish as much.