This is tale about turning lemons into lemonade. In high school and college, WDRC was one of our favorite radio stations. On this day during Christmas break, the DJ announced a party planned for that very evening. A “Stewardess Students Convention” was in town with 400 Stewardess Wannabes in attendance. Now, keep in mind that these were the days when airlines had ads on TV that showed a 21 year-old beauty queen who would smile and say, “Hi. I’m Cheryl. Fly me”. It was a very different era, indeed. We called all DJs and I think five of us headed to the old Statler Hilton in Hartford. Killer Joe, Ken Kolt, Johnnie Walker, Bouncing Billy and I attended these festivities. Naturally, we expected the ladies to look like the image on the left. We couldn’t wait to get there!
This was the cruelest joke on all concerned. Yes, there were 400 females. Yes, they needed many, many guys to even the odds at this dance. There was one really bad part. These ladies were all overweight and ugly. They had about as much chance of being a stewardess (remember the era) as flying to the moon by jumping really high. At one point Billy turned to me and said “Plan B.” I asked what that would be. Billy decided we should try to sneak past all the hotel security to find some of these student-stewardesses in their rooms. I pondered this, “That won’t make them pretty.” I pointed out. Billy said I was overlooking the obvious.
“I give up, what am I not seeing?” I asked. Billy went on, “First of all, we probably will get caught and thrown out of here long before we see another student-stewardess. It is a challenge. Can we do it? Secondly, if we are alone with them in their rooms, does it matter that they aren’t gorgeous? And most importantly, it has got to be better than walking around at this stupid dance.” All at once Bill had appealed to my sense of adventure, my lust and it did have to beat the shit out of staying at the “Ugly Fat Student-Stewardess Ball”. We were climbing the mountain, because it was there.
Bouncing Billy and I snuck past the first guard stationed at the elevators. The guard was really too easy. Billy asked him to show him how to get to the lobby. The guard said, “Follow me.” We didn’t. Now we were in the elevator. We picked a floor at random, since the hotel was filled with student-stewardesses. There was plenty of activity in the hallway, so the girls were easy to spot. In a moment’s notice Billy leans over to me and states, “We need an angle, ya know, to get invited into a room.” I told Bouncing Billy to follow my lead.
“Hi, Ladies.” I said to no one in particular. A student-stewardess told me if the guards caught us we would have to leave. (No shit, Sherlock.) I explained that my poor friend was deaf, so the dance wasn’t holding much for him. A group of four girls said they would love to get to know us, but we had to follow them into their room. From conception this plan worked and took ten minutes.
When the four student-stewardesses got into the room they began asking me questions to ask my deaf friend, Billy. I made believe to sign the words and Billy would sign me back. I use “sign” very loosely, since I only knew the alphabet and Billy knew none of it. Almost every “sign” would include us flipping the bird at each other. As it turned out, not only were student-stewardesses fat and ugly, but also they were as dumb as rocks.
That will do it for The WTIT Tape Radio Blog on a Thursday. Join us next time for some equally mind numbing, sleep inducing stuff. We hope you return, but even if you don’t we will be here. Unless, of course we get a better offer. Parts of this post originally appeared on May 31, 2006. Join us next time.