Alas, we are Lola’s least favorite participant. We are a little “rough” on her at times. We can’t really understand why she hates our participation. Other than the fact we have noticed that Lola hates almost everything. It is very possible that Lola just does not really understand the concept of “humor”. We wrote her once to help explain. She obviously was still not amused. Today we get the “Friends” edition. This ought to be good. Like Lola has friends…

1. do you make friends easily? Extremely easily. Although I usually have to actually pay them to be my friend.

2. do you have many close friends? No. I am not rich enough to pay a lot of people.

3. tell us about your oldest friend. Oldest? Fred Smalbals. He’s 87. He’s in a home and is so forgetful now that I don’t have to pay him anymore. When we visit he always says, “Oh. It’s you again. Pay me first or go away.” I usually convince him that last week I paid him for this week. We still have great times.

4. tell us about your newest friend. The closest I have got to a new friend is the restaurant delivery guy. If you read my girlfriend’s post today, Mimi Writes, you’ll understand why I see him so often. It is not that Mimi is not a great cook, it is…it is…that she has explained that my kitchen is haunted. If the meal is edible, the ghost was asleep. If you bite in and break a tooth it is the ghost’s fault. The delivery guy does not have ghosts in his kitchen.

5. do you hang out with your friends often, or just occasionally when you can find time? Neither. People will only see me when they have absolutely no other alternative. Other than Fred, I think I last hung out with a friend for a half-hour last April.

6. what’s the furthest you’ve travelled to visit (or vacation with, etc.) a friend? Living in northern Connecticut, I once convinced a friend to go all the way to southern Massachusetts. About seven miles away. What an adventure that was!!

7. what’s the biggest or best thing a friend has ever done for you? Every once in a blue moon we split the check at a bar. Since I usually pay them to go with me, I pick up the check as well. But when they pay half, I get all warm and tingly!

8. what’s the worst or most hurtful thing that a friend (or an ex-friend) has done to you? Once a guy named Rich Litelpeker orgainized a meeting of all my friends. I was not included. It turned out they met because they all wanted to charge me more and formed a union of sorts.