It seems we got tagged to do a rather odd yet interesting meme. Frank of Foxxfyrre’s Honk ’n’ Hollr selected three images and challenged those of us tagged to write a story using the three items. After he said he tagged me “(Because I know he’d ‘tug’ at my funny bone)”I had no choice. I hope he laughs. I hope you do as well. I am trying to keep The WTIT Tape Radio Blog funny. But, they can’t all be gems. (Oops, sorry Gem. I am not stealing your name!)
A ship, a broken wine glass and a stapler. 500 words. Why am I already scared? (Besides the last fictional writing I did other than WTIT’s Blog and Tape Radio, was in high school.) So, I should not have a problem, right? I must have all that creativity bundled up somewhere. Give me a second. I’ll be back. Okay, thanks. It is not under my WTIT Studio table. Or under my couch. It’s got to be somewhere. Okay, deep breath. How badly can I do? Yea. I know, you have no confidence in me either. Here goes 500 words:
Dave had been married a very long time, but had no kids. Dave and Qutip always thought their pets were enough. There were their fish. Feeding and cleaning the tank was something Dave enjoyed doing. He had even taught his fish tricks. “Guido” could actual jump out of the tank; get Dave’s newspaper and then hop back into the tank. Then of course there were Ben and Jerry, the couple’s pet gerbils. Dave once said they were the “key” to a long and satisfying relationship. Qutip had just returned with the gerbils from the vet and handed Dave a copy of the credit card receipt. Dave stapled the receipt into his “gerbil” folder that he kept for tax reasons.
Dave’s one huge vice was strip clubs. He hadn’t seen any other naked woman other than Qutip. Ever. She was his first love, his first cousin, and they had known each other since their birth on the same day in 1956. That was quite an event in their small township in the hills of West Virginia. But about five years ago Dave thought he might have missed something and went to a strip joint named “Bowties”.
It was a Thursday afternoon. Qutip did not mind that Dave stopped in a bar for “happy hour” every Thursday. She just did not know the type of bar. But since her mother and father were first cousins as well, Qutip did not really think a lot about it. Or, really think much about anything. She was good at ordering “take-out”, so Dave was never hungry. Dave entered Bowties on this particular Thursday to see yet again what he was missing. Although, to be honest with himself, Dave knew a lot of them looked alike. They were cousins, as well. Dave entered the darken club and while searching for dollar bills walked right into a table. He knocked over a wine glass and it broke. But while the wine was all over his pants, cooling down even his genital package, he saw the most beautiful stripper he had ever laid eyes upon.
He offered to buy another glass of wine and asked if he could sit while he dried off. The stripper introduced herself, “I am Bamby, but not like the deer,” she offered, “cuz it has a ‘Y’”. “Why?” Dave asked. “Yes ‘Y’” Bamby responded. Dave was already in love. He just knew it. “Where do you live?” he stammered. “At the “Y”” replied Bamby. “A beautiful stripper like yourself should live in a palace,” Dave stated. “Why?” asked Bamby. “Look here is my story,” Dave began, “I have been with but one woman my whole life. Next week is our 30th anniversary. I bought us tickets for a cruise to the Virgin Islands. But say the word and I will take you instead.” Bamby thought and replied, “Alas I am not a virgin.” “Why?” asked Dave. “Bigger tips” said Bamby. “But I will go with you!” Dave was happy. Qutip never ever noticed.