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All posts for the month January, 2007

Waiting for the Train Wreck

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on January 31, 2007

Posted in: american idol. 7 Comments

Mimi: I was just thinking, Bud.

Bud: Now we’re really in trouble. Sigh.
Mimi: The last time you had a brainstorm you thought up this American Idol project and I’ve gotta tell you. It wasn’t such a hot….er…..Ok,
Bud: Mims, tell me what you were thinking.

Mimi: I was just thinking about that romantic night we spent in Boston. We danced. We laughed. We had a tea party…
Bud: You smelled snow…
Mimi: Exactly!
Bud: Mimi, you and I both know you cannot predict the weather by sniffing air. It did not snow.
Mimi: It DID snow, Bud. You just weren’t watching. You missed the whole thing!

Bud: I wish I’d missed the show tonight.
Mimi: What show?
Bud: American Idol, Mimi.
Mimi: I kind of liked the middle-aged chicken lady with the feather hat and flashy underwear.
Bud: That was big bird.
Mimi: Katie Bernard. She turned out to be what, 50?
Bud: Do you realize more AI stars came from Birmingham Alabama than anywhere else?
Mimi: It did not show tonight. No Bo. No Taylor. No Rueben. We did have Jessica sing “Unchained Melody”
Bud: How can you have no idea that you’ve picked the hardest song and you suck?
Mimi: Now Bud. Well it was more of a “Untamed Melody.”
Bud: What I honestly thought was the best part?
Mimi: What?
Bud: The promos for “House”. I thought Ryan hovered around the losers like a tabloid reporter.
Mimi: Waiting for the train wreck.
Bud: Exactly.
Mimi: How about the women with the long, long hair? Cousin Itt?
Bud: Must have been while I went to the medicine cabinet for the Valium. Lakeya might have been this years William Hung. It was painful.
Mimi: Where did Paula go?
Bud: With that guy from season three?
Mimi: I just wished we left with her. How about Brandy singing “Like a Virgin” and then exploding?
Bud: Truly awful. Admit it, Mims. We’re doomed. There is no show here. There is no talent.
There is no Bud and Mimi article. We’ve lost our credibility.
Mimi: We never had any credibility, Bud. Bud! It’s the phone.
Bud: Got it. Hi this is Bud. I see. OK. Fine. Goodbye. Mimi, it’s canceled.
Mimi: Not American Idol? After five years?
Bud: No, Mimi. Our review. After three episodes.
Mimi: Oh. That’s better then.

That is that. And then some. The Bud and Mimi Review will return. In some form. Just not about Idol. Unless we change our minds. Or Lose them entirely. Join us tomorrow. Same time. Different blogs.

Waiting for the Train Wreck

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on January 31, 2007

Posted in: american idol. 7 Comments

Mimi: I was just thinking, Bud.

Afraid of the Dark

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on January 30, 2007

Posted in: comeback challenge. 4 Comments

Every Tuesday the WTIT Tape Radio Blog posts the answers that we have submitted to Mimi Lenox’s Dating Profile of the Day’s weekly contest called “The Comeback Challenge.” While similar to our “Dating Profiles of the Week”, this is much harder. Being able to select the profile is SO much easier. The contest is a lot of fun. Every Saturday Mimi posts the profiles and contestants have until midnight on Monday to email her their responses. Spelling and grammar errors are from the profile’s original on-line post. The profile statements are in bold.

1. My best assets are my open mindedness and my belief that everyone is essentially good at heart. Luckily, I have no faults but I do sweat a lot when I dance. You don’t need a date for that. You need an antiperspirant.

2. I dont really know what the problem is. I tried the nice guy approach – that hasn’t worked. I tried the treat you like dirt approach – that hasn’t worked. I tried doing the whole ignoring you thing – that hasn’t worked. I watched the movie What Women Want and you apparently still don’t get it. I am shocked that faking your personality (a better word than “approach”) didn’t work. And since your entire research project was watching one lousy film, that speaks volumes. I do get it, by the way. It’s you that’s not getting any.

3. Hanky Seeks Panky! You are a total moron. Please do not have children, I am begging you,

4. I’m in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark? I’m afraid only of you in the dark.

5. I am quite accomplished. I invented an equation to measure happiness that multiplies the acres of your land and the number of your trees. Come right this way. We have the nicest padded room for you.

6. hi my name is frank and i’ve been lost for seven years. i lost my love seven years ago and i am thinking that its been time to look for a new love. Did you look everywhere? Did you put posters on telephone polls?

7. Someone Who Is Going To Get Lucky. I’m a leo, a tiger, and was born on the cusp of the 186th and 187th day of the Mayan calendar, which is a death day #4 and a deer day. We hope you don’t mind have a roomy. We’ve got the nicest padded room for you.

8. At first, I wasn’t too keen on trying to meet someone this way then I figured this might be a really good way at meeting someone. Are you always this fascinating?

9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!! Keep looking. Good luck finding that massage.

10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself. Hopefully I will never meet yourself.

That’s it for your Tuesday edition of The WTIT Tape Radio Blog. Congrats to Epiphony Alone with her 4th win! It’s in the genes…Tomorrow join us for our weekly American Idol Review with Mimi Lenox. We hope you are excited about this. I figure someone has got to be. So, Mimi and I will check in with you then. Same time. Same blogs. More excitement perhaps, but probably not.

Afraid of the Dark

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on January 30, 2007

Posted in: comeback challenge. 4 Comments

3. Hanky Seeks Panky! You are a total moron. Please do not have children, I am begging you,

4. I’m in the dark. Are U afraid of the dark? I’m afraid only of you in the dark.

9. Looking for a female who shows interest. If any of this interests you drop me a massage!!! Keep looking. Good luck finding that massage.

10. I would hope the person I could hopefully be with, would be open and honest about herself as I would hopefully be about myself. Hopefully I will never meet yourself.

Kissing Kin

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on January 29, 2007

Posted in: Uncategorized. 10 Comments

It seems we got tagged to do a rather odd yet interesting meme. Frank of Foxxfyrre’s Honk ’n’ Hollr selected three images and challenged those of us tagged to write a story using the three items. After he said he tagged me “(Because I know he’d ‘tug’ at my funny bone)”I had no choice. I hope he laughs. I hope you do as well. I am trying to keep The WTIT Tape Radio Blog funny. But, they can’t all be gems. (Oops, sorry Gem. I am not stealing your name!)

Here are the three pictures:

A ship, a broken wine glass and a stapler. 500 words. Why am I already scared? (Besides the last fictional writing I did other than WTIT’s Blog and Tape Radio, was in high school.) So, I should not have a problem, right? I must have all that creativity bundled up somewhere. Give me a second. I’ll be back. Okay, thanks. It is not under my WTIT Studio table. Or under my couch. It’s got to be somewhere. Okay, deep breath. How badly can I do? Yea. I know, you have no confidence in me either. Here goes 500 words:

Dave had been married a very long time, but had no kids. Dave and Qutip always thought their pets were enough. There were their fish. Feeding and cleaning the tank was something Dave enjoyed doing. He had even taught his fish tricks. “Guido” could actual jump out of the tank; get Dave’s newspaper and then hop back into the tank. Then of course there were Ben and Jerry, the couple’s pet gerbils. Dave once said they were the “key” to a long and satisfying relationship. Qutip had just returned with the gerbils from the vet and handed Dave a copy of the credit card receipt. Dave stapled the receipt into his “gerbil” folder that he kept for tax reasons.

Dave’s one huge vice was strip clubs. He hadn’t seen any other naked woman other than Qutip. Ever. She was his first love, his first cousin, and they had known each other since their birth on the same day in 1956. That was quite an event in their small township in the hills of West Virginia. But about five years ago Dave thought he might have missed something and went to a strip joint named “Bowties”.

It was a Thursday afternoon. Qutip did not mind that Dave stopped in a bar for “happy hour” every Thursday. She just did not know the type of bar. But since her mother and father were first cousins as well, Qutip did not really think a lot about it. Or, really think much about anything. She was good at ordering “take-out”, so Dave was never hungry. Dave entered Bowties on this particular Thursday to see yet again what he was missing. Although, to be honest with himself, Dave knew a lot of them looked alike. They were cousins, as well. Dave entered the darken club and while searching for dollar bills walked right into a table. He knocked over a wine glass and it broke. But while the wine was all over his pants, cooling down even his genital package, he saw the most beautiful stripper he had ever laid eyes upon.

He offered to buy another glass of wine and asked if he could sit while he dried off. The stripper introduced herself, “I am Bamby, but not like the deer,” she offered, “cuz it has a ‘Y’”. “Why?” Dave asked. “Yes ‘Y’” Bamby responded. Dave was already in love. He just knew it. “Where do you live?” he stammered. “At the “Y”” replied Bamby. “A beautiful stripper like yourself should live in a palace,” Dave stated. “Why?” asked Bamby. “Look here is my story,” Dave began, “I have been with but one woman my whole life. Next week is our 30th anniversary. I bought us tickets for a cruise to the Virgin Islands. But say the word and I will take you instead.” Bamby thought and replied, “Alas I am not a virgin.” “Why?” asked Dave. “Bigger tips” said Bamby. “But I will go with you!” Dave was happy. Qutip never ever noticed.

That does it on a suck-o Monday on the WTIT Tape Radio Blog. Any resemblance between this story and one that an accomplisher writer might develop was purely accidental. Tomorrow we will give our answers to Mimi Lenox’s “Comeback Challenge”. You have until midnight tonight to enter. Go for it. It’s fun! Frank, thanks for the tag. Comeback, so to speak, tomorrow. Same time. Same blog. No strippers.

Kissing Kin

Posted by Bud Weiser, WTIT on January 29, 2007

Posted in: see it 'n' write it. 10 Comments

Here are the three pictures:

Dave’s one huge vice was strip clubs. He hadn’t seen any other naked woman other than Qutip. Ever. She was his first love, his first cousin, and they had known each other since their birth on the same day in 1956. That was quite an event in their small township in the hills of West Virginia. But about five years ago Dave thought he might have missed something and went to a strip joint named “Bowties”.

He offered to buy another glass of wine and asked if he could sit while he dried off. The stripper introduced herself, “I am Bamby, but not like the deer,” she offered, “cuz it has a ‘Y’”. “Why?” Dave asked. “Yes ‘Y’” Bamby responded. Dave was already in love. He just knew it. “Where do you live?” he stammered. “At the “Y”” replied Bamby. “A beautiful stripper like yourself should live in a palace,” Dave stated. “Why?” asked Bamby. “Look here is my story,” Dave began, “I have been with but one woman my whole life. Next week is our 30th anniversary. I bought us tickets for a cruise to the Virgin Islands. But say the word and I will take you instead.” Bamby thought and replied, “Alas I am not a virgin.” “Why?” asked Dave. “Bigger tips” said Bamby. “But I will go with you!” Dave was happy. Qutip never ever noticed.

That does it on a suck-o Monday on the WTIT Tape Radio Blog. Any resemblance between this story and one that an accomplisher writer might develop was purely accidental. Tomorrow we will give our answers to Mimi Lenox’s “Comeback Challenge”. You have until midnight tonight to enter. Go for it. It’s fun! Frank, thanks for the tag. Comeback, so to speak, tomorrow. Same time. Same blog. No strippers.

While I try to keep the WTIT Blog a humor blog, now and then I stray. I am not sure that it is a good thing, but I do it once in a while. I do humor, and I am good at it. No one needs my opinions on life or the universe. Not because I am not good at that too, but rather I’d rather stick to comedy. I’d rather not stray into the eye of the storm.

Yesterday, we had a disagreement with a fellow blogger. The best thing that came out of this was a retired military man who attacked my position. We went back and forth with comments all day. I’d like to share them with you. And I will allow him to have the last word, as I did on his blog. It is healthy to debate. You just have to be fair.

I wrote a comment on that post:

This whole thing scares me. We have a President that disregards our constituion and civil rights, fights a war that 70% of us abore and you wouldn’t vote for Hillary because of “a feeling you can’t describe?” I find that scary. Not just from you, but all here that agree with you.

Sarge Charlie wrote about me:

I would be interested to know where Mr. Bud Wiser (sic) would set up his last line of defense, lets see, maybe the Delaware River, or maybe the Mississippi River, or maybe along the Rockies, wake up Mr Wiser, we are at war, like it or not.

Sarge-

You seem to like to remind us of something of which we are PAINFULLY aware. We have been noticing the war. It has drained our country and some of our best and brightest. We cannot win this one, Sarge.

Is this the same rhetoric that you used for Vietnam as well? Iraq did not attack the United States. We should have learned our lesson about entering or staying in civil wars while in Southeast Asia. Entering Afghanistan after 9/11 made total sense to me. Moving our troops before that task was completed was our mistake.

You seem proud of your military background and accomplishments. You should be. If it were not for patriots like you we would all be speaking German. However, that does not mean that any military venture anywhere is good policy. Nor is it un-American to disagree with a war policy.

Your question “Where would Mr. Wiser (sic) set up the last line of defense” is insulting. We have “freedom of speech”. That is what great heroes such as yourself have helped preserve. I support our troops. We need to bring them home. There is NO military strategy that can work in Iraq. We’ve had our best minds, militarily and otherwise on this longer than WWII. If we haven’t figured a winning strategy out yet, it is not going to happen. George W. Bush is the least popular president in our history. As civilians, we do not have to follow a leader’s ideology.

Well Mr Wiser (sic): I would like to know what your plan is, yes we can win in Iraq and the war on terror, I suspect it will take more than my lifetime to do that but we are the greatest nation in history, turn the other cheek on this one my friend and they will cut your throat.You have the right to disagree my friend, but today the disagreement hurts our soldiers in the field, like it or not sir, that is a fact.

Oh by the way Mr Wiser (sic), maybe you did not notice that Afghanistan did not attach us, terrorist attacked us, we need to fight them wherever we find them or they will kill us. These people are religious fanatics, making nice with them will not work. I do not like what is happening today but trust me it is more effective than leaving, no retreating army ever won a battle.

Whoa, Sarge, a reality check. Nothing is hurting our soldiers in the field more than the fact that people are allowing them to STAY there. Saying, “get out of Iraq” has NOTHING (as in zero) to do with the war on terror. Yes, because of our continue involvement their, more whackos from Iran and the Taliban are present. But sir, we are drawing them there. The Iraqis need to step up and solve their own problems.

Let us free up the military for other bigger threats to peace. Both Iran and North Korea come to mind. I don’t think they are “religious fanatics”. Religion doesn’t make people nuts. Nutty people will USE religion as a reason for their insanity whether it be Kool-Aid or Osama’s ridiculous take on the Koran.

How many die before you let go? I don’t have another plan for Iraq because there is none. It is either we let them kill each other, or we stand between them and die. Please bring our troops home. There is no victory to win here. While I am sure that, “No retreat ever won a battle”, no soldiers in harm’s way will die either. There is no battle to win… Sorry Sarge Charlie. Let’s protect our troops by getting them home.

You have you head in the sand my friend, reality check, I speak reality sir. Their kids are trained from a very young age, as they are in North Korea, that we are their enemy and they must kill Americans. That is reality sir, you are brainwashed with the left wing crap and never consider the facts as they are, I suggest you read Sgt Dub, then maybe you realize what effect your crap has on the loyal American Soldier.What sir, is your source of expertise? Support the troops, crap, defeat is the only answer you have.

Sarge Charlie-Thanks for the interesting debate. I think we would be a great “point-counterpoint” team.While we didn’t convince each other of anything, I’d like to leave you with the one thing we do agree on:

God Bless Our Troops.

God Bless America.

We did have an interesting day, I see you as hopeless so I will look for someone with a glimmer of hope, however, I never give up. Stop by and see my new post.

Sarge Charlie-

I will do that, my friend.

Wow. It is Sunday already. It seemed like a fast week and very cold one here in New England. My UConn Huskies bit the big one, yet again today. We shall retorn on the WTIT Tape Radio Blog on a suck-o Monday. Join us. Same time. Same blog. But somewhat funnier. Or worth a chuckle!