You might remember my blog “Jumping Into Stranger’s Cars”, if not click here. The process of parking on side streets to follow cars filled with girls, we called “A Chase”. On this particular evening, we had failed to meet anyone. When we decided to give up, we were heading back to WTIT Worldwide Headquarters, or as it was more commonly called, “my house”.
We were tooling down North Main Street in West Hartford when we passed two girls hitchhiking. This was not uncommon in those days, for they were gentler times. I was driving my 1965 Plymouth that everyone called “The Budmobile”. My license plate was “BUD 9” (and still is which is why my personal e-mail address is email@example.com.) and I had a “Budweiser” sticker on the driver’s door.
We just passed by the hitchhikers, when Killer Joe shouted, “Let’s Go Back and Pick Them Up”. I did a u-ie and we picked up the two girls. They were our age and attractive. I asked, “Where to ladies?” One of the girls said, “We didn’t have anything better to do.” “Oh,” I thought to myself, “at least when we do dumb shit, we have some sort of plan.” But what I said was, “You’re in luck. I know just where “We didn’t have anything better to do” is. I will take you there.”
The car was a bit crowded. Along with Killer Joe and me, were Bouncing Billy and Johnnie Walker, and of course the two girls who conceived this “half a plan”. I knew I had to take them somewhere to “go parking”, even though there were just two of them and four of us. Really three, since as the driver I had no shot. One of the girls was sitting on Joe’s lap in the passenger’s seat and the other was in the back between Johnnie and Billy. Joe and his “new love” were already making out. In the back seat, Johnnie appeared the victor, but Billy (who was probably the most shy at that time with women) always found something to do to keep it amusing for all of us, or in this case just the two of us, without girls.
Billy placed one finger in front of his mouth in a “Shhhhh” indication. Johnnie and his “new true love” were really going at it in a only-making-out sense. Billy subtly and gently started massaging this lady’s left breast. The girl naturally thought it was Johnnie’s hand. She started breathing deeper as she and Johnnie kissed. Now, this girl had two hands on her back and one on her breast. No wonder they only had “half a plan”. She was about 51 cards short of a full deck.
As fate would have it, I was the one who blew this whole thing up. After ten minutes of watching Billy’s hand, and Johnnie’s oblivious reaction, I started uncontrollably laughing. Now you are probably thinking that I haven’t thought that maybe this girl knew about the third hand. You would be wrong. She didn’t. My laughter made her aware of it. She slapped Billy and told her friend it was time to go. They jumped out of the car. Billy then explained to Johnnie what happen. Johnnie was pissed. But he was not angry with Billy, but rather at himself. He got to second base without knowing it.
Billy and I never kissed the girls. Good thing, as it turned out, since they both had the flu. Johnnie and Joe were sick for a week.
From June 3, 2006