I have stated in this space before that I really enjoy Mimi Lennox’s blog Profile of the Day. She goes to sites like Match.com and picks guys headlines that are truly a riot. Yesterday she issued a challenge. She picked 10 headlines and asked her readers to come up with their own responses to these headlines. The spelling errors are part of the original posts the guys put on the dating site. I humbly present mine.
“I’m not cynical. I’m just experienced.” I guess you expect bad things to happen to you. You should.
“Someone to hold on too.” Threesomes are ssoooo 90’s.
“Lost on the road not taken” Please stay lost.
“Big men need love too.” Really. Let’s meet for a crate of Twinkies.
“Looking for a wifee.” How wovey, dovey.
“Back in play” I don’t much care for theater. But good luck with it.
“People who play together stay together.” I assume then you’ve never played.
“Straight up no bull##it. Everything’s new.” Everything’s new except the bulls##t. Anyone who writes that must be really good at it.
“I’m hopping to make new freinds.” Then it is good that I am a kangaroo.
“Let’s go fly a kite together.” Dude, you go fly a kite.
“Me needum. You gotum?” Tonto, go home. The masked man is lonely.
“Let’s go get a great tan all over.” Who brings the toothpicks to spread the toes?
“Rome wasn’t built in a day.” It only took 6 days for the earth. It took 15 minutes for Rome.
“Crash into me.” Why, do you have really good insurance?
“Forest needs Jenny.” Jungle needs Jane.
“Tired of the bar seen.” Take the path less chosen and the bar less seen.
“If you make a cow laugh, will milk come out its nose” There are too many good cow comedians already. Take a cow to the show. Then get back to anyone but me.