Continued from The First Chapter. Again a Warning: Let me begin by saying that this story could be upsetting to the hearing impaired, or weight challenged, or facially ugly challenged and certainly any of their families or friends. If you fall into this category or are very into political correctness, likewise, move on to a blog that is written by someone whom might give more of a rat’s ass than I. That is the primary reason for this blog’s title.
Bouncing Billy and I snuck past the first guard stationed at the elevators. The guard was really too easy. Billy asked him to show him how to get to the lobby. The guard said, “Follow me.” We didn’t. Now we were in the elevator. We picked a floor at random, since the hotel was filled with student-stewardesses. There was plenty of activity in the hallway, so the girls were easy to spot. In a moment’s notice Billy leans over to me and states, “We need an angle, ya know, to get invited into a room.” I told Bouncing Billy to follow my lead.
“Hi, Ladies.” I said to no one in particular. A student-stewardess told me if the guards caught us we would have to leave. (No shit, Sherlock.) I explained that my poor friend was deaf, so the dance wasn’t holding much for him. A group of four girls said they would love to get to know us, but we had to follow them into their room. From conception this plan worked and took ten minutes.
When the four student-stewardesses got into the room they began asking me questions to ask my deaf friend, Billy. I made believe to sign the words and Billy would sign me back. I use “sign” very loosely, since I only knew the alphabet and Billy knew none of it. Almost every “sign” would include us flipping the bird at each other. As it turned out, not only were student-stewardesses fat and ugly, but also they were as dumb as rocks.
As the questions got even more tedious, someone asked what was Billy’s favorite activity. After Billy and I did the “signs”, I realized how bored I was getting to be. So I answered that Billy’s favorite activity was to listen to the radio. You might think just one student-stewardess might realize deaf people and radios are not always a big match. Nope, their next question was, “What’s his favorite station?” At this point we both lost it. We are laughing and crying. Billy interrupts to say, “Oh my god. I can hear. It is a true miracle. He pointed at the fattest student-stewardess and continued, “Your voice was the first I ever heard. I think I love you”. At which time he jumped off the bed we were sitting on to hug and kiss (and “thank”) the big girl. The girls were actually good sports and asked what bit we would pull on the next group. “That’s easy,” I said, (now remember Billy’s picture…a poster child for an Irish lad) “in the next room Billy is going to speak only Spanish. The big girl asked, “Do you guys speak Spanish”. I said “Of course, just as well as we “sign”…”